


company

by orphan_account



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Drama, Even Bech Næsheim/Sonja - Freeform, Eventual Smut, M/M, Minor Isak Valtersen/Christoffer Schistad, Wrong Number AU, and yet another one of these......, im sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-09-18 19:45:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9400433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: isak knows he should stop this call, that this would be the perfect time for him to say something, 'hey sorry but you got the wrong number dude' — anything before this call gets any more weird or awkward. whether it is his curiosity getting the best of him or just plain out horniness he couldn’t find a will in himself to do so. his grip to his phone is tighter as he listens to the heavy breathing at the end of the line. he stays silent pushing down the guilt bubbling in his gut.





	1. Chapter 1

a loud ring in his ears wake isak up from his sleep. he quickly reaches for his phone that is under his pillow, pressing answer without even looking at the screen. he guessed it’s probably jonas drunk calling him or high off his mind but he answers just in case.

“hey… baby,” a deep-voiced man greets him before he could say anything. “i’m sorry for being such a fucking dick to you…” _who the fuck?_ isak pulls his phone away from his face, sleepy eyes staring at the unknown number flashing on the screen. the series of numbers seem unfamiliar and he couldn’t pinpoint the voice from anyone he knows. _this has got to be a prank call right?_ he thinks.

isak knows he should stop this call, that this would be the perfect time for him to say something, _hey sorry but you got the wrong number dude—_ anything before this call gets any more weird or awkward. whether it is his curiosity getting the best of him or just plain out horniness he couldn’t find a will in himself to do so. his grip to his phone is tighter as he listens to the heavy breathing at the end of the line. he stays silent pushing down the guilt bubbling in his gut.

a deep breath. “i’m sorry for making you upset. you know this whole thing is new to me so i—” a pause, “that doesn’t matter anymore. i want to make it up to you.”

isak hears muffled rustling and he tucks himself deeper into his own sheets. the voice speaks out again, “you’re— you’re so pretty, baby.” his voice sends shivers along his skin, his senses slightly lifted and he could hear his own heartbeat drumming in his ears. he knows the call isn’t for him and _baby_ isn’t him but it’s 2 in the fucking morning and a stranger with sex practically oozing out of his voice is whispering to his ears. his selfish teenage hormones is getting the better of him. he wants to speak up, _say it again— say baby_ , but isak knows once he says anything the whole illusion would burst.

the shared apartment is dead quiet with everyone already hitting their beds to sleep by 11pm as it’s a weekday. the silence is ringing in his ears as he waits for the other person to speak up again. “are you…” isak notice the hesitancy in his voice, “can we do it through the phone instead?” the heavy breathing, the sensual deep voice and the weighing anticipated silence from the other man heavily implies phone sex and when the realisation hits fingers that are clutching around the phone starts trembling. _exit, exit, exit,_ his mind tells him. _cancel the call right now._

isak feel like his heart is about to jump out of his throat, shaking and thundering inside his ribcage. “yeah,” he managed to choke out an airy whisper. _you are fucking stupid isak_ , he could hear eskild’s patronising voice nagging at the back of his mind.

“can you get— can you get naked for me baby?” isak physically shivers at the request, his skin forming small bumps. there is more rustling at the end of the line and isak imagines the faceless stranger taking off his clothes so he follows suit. he removes his boxers with one swift motion before kicking it off to the edge of his bed, leaving him with his tshirt on. he is still hiding under his baby blue bedsheets, subconsciously embarrassed of what he is about to do.

judging from the lack of talking from the other line and the sense of hesitancy every time he speaks, isak assumes the guy is new to this. the only time isak has ever done something close to this was with chris, the stupid third year boy who he had a crush on during first year. he should’ve known chris is all sweet talk and empty promises — hell, everyone around him been saying that especially jonas — but he thought he was so in love with the guy when now in retrospect he might have just been in love with the attention chris gave him. isak thought about being played by chris and what he is doing to a stranger right now. obviously the person is trying to make up for something horrible that he had done and here isak is, fucking lonely, hungry for attention and horny out of his mind, _using_ him. how is he any better than that dickhead chris then? he hears a slight moan in his ear, muffled through the speakers but clear enough. for a moment he thinks to just fuck it, because _he called me first,_ but he shakes away the thought. 

he takes in a quick breath before saying, “i’m sorry you have the wrong number bye!” he presses the red button quickly and shoves his phone under his pillow already trying to forget the past twenty minutes ever happened. a _ping!_ is heard from under his pillow and a heavy dread in his chest knows it’s probably the guy. putting his phone on silent, he drops his phone in his bedside drawer instead.

out of sight, out of reach and out of mind.

 

*

 

morning comes too quickly for isak. his alarm is buzzing inside his drawer and with a hazy, sleep-induced mind he picks up his phone to turn off the alarm. he sees multiple text notifications from the same unsaved number and the memories of last night strikes onto him, a million emotions going through his mind. the guy must’ve think that he is a creepy, perverted weirdo. hell, what if he called the cops on him? surely he was teering off on assault last night? he had the whole fifteen minutes to close the call but he didn’t. instead he stayed and listened. with a heavy heart he opens the texts.

 

_Wait what the fuck_

_Sonja???_

_You’re not Sonja are you? Fuck_

_Fuck_

_Sorry_

 

isak reads the series of texts again and again, chewing the inside of his cheek and thinking whether he should reply or not. replying would entail the possibility of a conversation thus addressing what happened last night and isak has still not yet thought of an excuse other than ‘i felt really lonely and horny’. he decides to reply and make up an excuse along the way. the guilt from last night is still settling inside him and he thinks that the stranger deserves an apology.

 

_i’m reallyyyyy sorry!!_

_i answered because i thought you were my friend and then you said all those things all of a sudden_

_i didn’t know what to do_

_again i’m so sorry_

_morning btw_

_hope you and sonja worked it out_

 

the ‘sorry’s’ might be overdone but it is isak, he apologises too much just to get his message across (that he really _is_ sorry). he adds a casual morning greeting just to seem nonchalant although the previous texts from him might not show as such. he reads his texts one last time before locking his phone and starts his day.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

if there is one word to describe jonas, it would be that he is observable. this both makes him a good and an annoying friend to isak. although it makes it easier for isak to confide to his best friend since he notices everything (often times isak doesn’t have to _say_ what’s wrong) there are times when isak wishes jonas doesn’t notice the nervous tapping of his feet, his restlessness and constant checking of his phone. but jonas does, because he is jonas. it isn’t exactly a surprise when jonas pulls him away from mahdi and magnus for awhile, letting the other two walk ahead towards the canteen, before asking if anything is wrong.

“is it chris again?” jonas’ thick brows drawn together showing both concern and annoyance. it is not a secret that jonas hates chris. he isn’t happy his best friend is still hung up on him even when chris had obviously been playing with isak’s feelings.

isak shakes his head. he still texts chris from time to time but he doesn’t tell jonas (though he is sure jonas knows). he doesn’t want jonas to sympathise him, still love-ridden to chris despite knowing he is bad news. isak is simply missing the attention he would get from the third year. chris would flirt and isak would willingly flirt back, both acknowledging that there are no strings attached — simple.

“then why are you acting all weird today? you’ve been checking your phone constantly.” isak remains quiet. is last night’s event worth it to explain to his best friend? it’s a stupid, unimportant, a one-time thing and jonas doesn’t need to know, isak concludes.

“is it… is it about your mom?” jonas is careful to ask since he knows isak hates talking about his mother. the whole situation is just utterly messy, especially since he came out last year. he still gets texts from his mom about how she prays to god so he would forgive him of his sins. he hates thinking about it. that his mom thinks he is a sinner for who he is.

isak shakes his head again, “no! no, no, not about my mom. i…i haven’t talked to her for two weeks so,” and that is the truth. his dad updates him of her mother’s well-being from time to time, just out of courtesy. there are times when he misses his mom so much, misses the times she would call him her beautiful son and isak could see pride gleaming in her eyes. those times isak would find himself taking the bus straight to his mother’s home. he would imagine being in his mothers warm embrace but the idea soon would falter when he is greeted by harsh words or quotes from the bible — his own mother calling him a sodomite. on better days though, his mother would invite him in — cold and unemotional — would offer him tea with a practiced manner as if he is an outside visitor. the visit would end with either isak leaving his own childhood home suffocated by his own mother treating him like a stranger or after hearing a backhanded compliment (“i still care for you isak. i pray that god would forgive your sins, everyday.”).

he sees jonas is about to say something but he cuts him off. “it’s nothing jonas. i just have a physics test today and is a little nervous about it. don’t worry. i’m good.” jonas doesn’t buy it — isak has always been a horrible liar — but he drops the topic. he believes isak would tell him if he wants to.

 

*

 

it is during his last class of the day that he receives a reply from last night’s stranger. while his teacher rambles about human reproduction in front, he takes out his phone that is in his pocket. at the corner of his sight he could tell sana is looking at him for a moment before she turns her attention back to class. 

 

_Well, shit. This is awkward. Lol_

 

isak waits for any more texts from him before opening the text thread.

 

_no no all is good :)!!_

_just check the number next time ok? hahah_

 

 

his heart speeds up a little seeing a speech bubble appearing on his screen.

 

 

_I deleted her number and texts a week ago_

_Thought I memorised it_

_Apparently not? lol_

_Thanks for being cool about it_

 

 

_im always cool_

 

_Cool people usually don’t say they’re cool_

 

_say that again and i’ll tell the police about a stranger asking me for phone sex in the middle of the night_

 

_I’m Even_

_See, not a stranger now_

_:-)_

 

_i didnt ask for your name_

 

_So_

 

_?_

 

_Whats ur name_

_You can’t always be ‘guy i accidentally phone sex’d’ in my contacts_

 

_is that really what u name me smh_

_it’s isak_

 

_Yes lol_

_Save all numbers, that’s what I learned_

_What about me_

 

_??_

 

_Jeez_

_What’s my contact name_

 

_didn’t save ur number_

 

_Ouch_

_Thought what we had last night was special_

 

as much as isak wants to repress the memories of last night he couldn’t help but remember the deep, sultry voice calling him _baby_. he doesn’t know how even looks like but he entertains the idea of even looking as hot as how his voice sounded. he bites his bottom lip to suppress a smile from forming. he tries to think of a witty answer, fingers hovering over the keypad not realising that his biology teacher is walking her way to his table.

“isak. you know class rules, no texting in class!” the teacher opens her palm signaling isak to hand her his phone and isak begrudgingly obliges. all eyes are on him, he feels slightly embarrassed and uncomfortable by the unwanted attention. it’s not the first for isak to be caught texting in class but it’s the first for his phone to be taken away. his biology partner, sana shrugs and sends him an apologetic look.“you can have this when the class ends,” his teacher states. she sets isak’s phone on her table before continuing the class. 

 

*

 

_i had my phone taken away at bio bc i was caught texting u :(_

 

the reply from even is quick, to isak’s surprise.

 

_Hahahahaha_

_How is it my fault if you’re bad at sneaking_

_What year are you in anyway_

 

_second_

 

_Wow… So young… What a baby_

 

 

sitting in the bus, isak could feel his cheeks heating up at the text. _baby._ the phone call last night really messes him up. he couldn’t hide his grin even if he tries, quickly glancing around the bus just to check that no one is looking at him, goofily grinning at his screen. 

 

_shut up_

_what about u?_

_don’t tell me ur like…50_

 

_Third year._

_Bakka_

 

_wtf ur just a year old than me_

_ur acting as if im years younger than u_

 

_Hah_

_So what school do you go to_

 

_…why do u wanna know_

 

_Idk. Just._

_You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to_

_Not forcing you_

 

_hahaha chill old man_

_i go to nissen_

 

 

isak suddenly has an idea. he saves even’s phone number in his phone, finally, and types ‘even’ on the screen. he adds an old man emoji at the end of even’s name.

 

 

_Dude… What_

_I go to Nissen parties sometimes_

_Do you know David? Third year?_

 

_yeah… think so._

_not that well tho_

 

 

david is always in all the third year parties isak goes to. isak wonders if he had actually seen even around, just never realising it. the last third year party he went to was earlier this month. it was the craziest one he had been to yet, a lot of people crashed the party and people got drunk too quick that it wasn’t fun for isak anymore. he stayed in one of the guest bathrooms upstairs with the boys, sharing a joint before leaving hours later. isak also remembers seeing chris kissing two girls on a couch before he was leaving the building. he tries to ignore the tight knot painful around his chest.

 

_He’s a friend of my friend_

_Usually how I get invited to Nissen parties_

_Did you go to David's last week?_

_nope_

 

 

he had heard about the party but he has an english and calculus test earlier this monday, so he had to skip the parties last weekend in order to do some last minute revision. he is okay with english, it is calculus that he tends to struggle with. his flatmate noora, a third year at nissen, gladly helped him with calculus and he managed to get a 4. not his best, considering he would get a 5 or a 6 for other subjects but it’s a definite improvement from the lower 3 he got for his last test.

the bus halts to a smooth stop and isak stands from his seat to exit the bus. it is another ten minutes walk to his shared flat, which isak usually hates. oslo is still freezing for him no matter how much he layers up, but oddly he doesn’t mind the ten-minute walk. not with even texting him, keeping him company.

 

 

_Aw, too bad_

_We could’ve seen each other without knowing hahaha_

_You didn’t miss much anyway_

_Usual drunk people hooking up_

 

_isn’t it always like that_

 

_Hahah_

_True_

_It’s so funny looking at drunk people when you’re sober_

 

_u don’t drink?_

 

_Nope_

_Doctor would kill me_

 

_why???_

_u allergic or sth_

 

_Hahahaha allergic_

_You’re so cute Isak_

_Not telling…for now._

_That’s a story for another time_

 

_what a tease_

 

_Thought you know by now, Isak_

_We literally knew each other through phone sex_

 

_almost phone sex, even_

 

_Eh, same thing._

_Almost._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u v much for the nice comments and kudos <3!!! u are all v sweet and the comments really do help me gain motivation to finish a chapter quickly :-) i'm slightly nervous uploading chapters now lmao i hope i didn't disappoint?;;
> 
> im @dusermeg on twtr and is Always down for rambling about skam (im serious)


	3. Chapter 3

_what a tease,_ even reads the text on his screen. he grins widely, taking great amusement in teasing his new friend. he chuckles reading isak’s reply and responds back. _eh, same thing._

“okay. dude.” mikael stops working on his camera and turns his attention to his best friend, who is currently sitting on a table opposite him and eyes glued to his phone. even looks up from the screen with the slight grin is still tugging at the edge of his lips. and mikael knows it’s not because of him.

“i don’t wanna be _that_ friend but,” mikael starts and pauses. “if you’re cheating on sonja—”

even whips his head up so fast his neck might break. “what?” he cuts mikael off before his friend could finish his sentence. even’s features are usually soft and it takes a lot for someone to get into his nerves. at this moment even has his jaw clenched and his brows furrowed together in sudden anger. his phone is now set beside him. “why would you think that?”

mikael is quiet for a few seconds and merely shrugs. the lack of reply from his best friend frustrates even more. “dude. just say it. what?” he eggs mikael on, demanding an explanation. it’s one thing to not be trusted by your girlfriend of one month (which even quickly has gotten used to, sadly) but it’s another to be accused by your own childhood friend of cheating. even is used to sonja calling him almost every hour when he attends parties on his own. sometimes sonja would eventually show up and sticks to even’s side for the rest of the night. during these parties, even learns to ignore the hostile look sonja would show to anyone within even’s surroundings. he would kiss sonja, his way of saying _i love you, only you_ but sonja never stops so along the way even gives up and lets her.

“just,” mikael starts to aimlessly work on the camera in front of him again. “you’ve been on your phone a lot the past two days. texting. and smiling.”

“so it’s strange for me smile and text now?” _jeez. you’re starting to sound like sonja, mika._ even wants to say but he keeps it in.

mikael shrugs again. “i dunno,” he mumbles. mikael takes a quick glance at even before starting to speak again. “things between you and sonja has always been rough. and i saw you with oscar at the party last week…”

even rolls his eyes. “jesus fucking christ, mikael.” it’s a silent agreement between mikael and him that his best friend knows he is pansexual. “doesn’t mean that i’d fuck anyone. we were just talking. really.” he has always been generally attracted to people. he doesn’t mind the idea of falling in love with anybody — to even what matters is his feelings towards the person.

even never outwardly tells people of his sexuality though he has accepted his sexuality fairly easy. with him being diagnosed with bipolar disorder two years ago, he is already viewed and treated differently from the people around him. there is always an underlying caution or worry in even’s parents and sonja would get suspicious when even wants to do anything spontaneous. meanwhile mikael would tag anything even does as him either in his ‘up’ or ‘down’ mood. even quickly grew tired and wary of labels. since two years ago he is not just ‘even’ anymore. people see him as a bipolar, who’s name is even. it’s not that he goes out of his way to stay closeted either — if anyone knows, it’s fine by him — it’s just he isn’t ready to deal with people treating him like another label.

the door of their art room swings wide open, interrupting the conversation. sonja is standing by the door frame, her eyes fall to even. no one says anything for awhile. it is sonja who greets first.

“how are you?” sonja asks, still standing by the rusty grey metal door. even doesn’t answer. mikael knows where this conversation is going so he silently leaves, slightly feelings sorry for sonja knowing even is already in a bad mood before she steps in. “look, even. i just want to talk.”

even sighs, tired evident in his features. “i’ve been trying to talk to you this past week, sonja. you ignored my texts and my calls but _now_ you want to talk?” mikael is not exaggerating, it has always been rough between even and sonja. they fight often. sonja would get angry at something even did, even would fight back to defend himself. then sonja would get hurt but it always ends with either one of them apologising. this fight is different however. instead of enraged yells and angry screams, sonja totally shuts herself from him. even thought sonja was done with him.

“i know, babe and i’m so sorry.” even doesn’t move when sonja walks closer to him. she stands in front of even and takes his hands. “i was just jealous.” at that even rolls his eyes, _as usual._ “you’ve been attending all these parties and— and i could tell even, that you don’t want me to go with you. so i thought, you’re hiding something from me.”

“you _know_ why i don’t like bringing you. you never trust me,” sonja opens her mouth to say something but even stops her, “then you get all pissy and honestly? it ruins my mood. i just want to hang out with my friends, sonja. not hooking up.”

sonja removes even’s hands from her own. “ _pissy?_ how could i not be angry even? every week you go to these parties and i would hear about some girl or _guy_ flirting with you. and i get— i get _worried,_ even! it doesn’t really help me ease my mind when you’re—”

“sonja.” even’s tone is firm and there is a hint of warning under it. _don’t fucking go there. accuse me of being unfaithful all you want but don’t blame my sexuality._

sonja grows even more defensive. “look, even. i’m here to apologise but it seems like you’re not in mood to hear me out so—”

even grabs sonja’s arm before she could walk away. “okay, okay. god, i’m sorry. i want us to work, sonja. i love you.” even’s hands falls along sonja’s arm before he takes sonja’s hands to his. the taller boy rubs his thumbs in soothing circles at the back of sonja’s palm. “i’m listening.”

the blonde girl’s face noticeably becomes softer. even could see the growing calmness in sonja’s eyes. “remember the party you went to weeks ago?” even nods. _yes, he remembered. the one mikael dragged him to._ “mikael told me nizar was flirting with you.” even rolls his eyes, _fucking mika always listening to gossip_ , but he keeps his emotions steady. “i’m not angry about that, not anymore. but you turned me down and i thought…”

“i didn’t want to have sex with you that time because i wasn’t feeling it. has nothing to do with nizar — or anyone for that matter. i just— don’t want to.”

“i know, i know! i realised that now. and i’m sorry. lina talked some sense into me. i just… love you so much even, you don’t understand.” sonja’s voice is trembling and from the close distance between them even could see the tears threatening to fall down his girlfriend’s eyes. “i thought you didn’t want me anymore…”

even place kisses on each of sonja’s cheeks. “don’t say that. of course i want you. but just because i don’t want to have sex with you doesn’t mean i don’t love you anymore. we’re more than just sex, sonja. you need to realise this.”

sonja nods, “okay.” her voice is small and timid, reminding even of the first time they met. it was at a stationery store, a short walk from elvebakken. sonja is active in theatre and even often watches the treatre productions in school so he has known about sonja before then. however that day was the first time they has spoken with each other. sonja has rolls of poster paper of various colours in her arms, trying to balance them all while crouching at the glue section. even decided to help her carry the poster papers. _it’s for theatre_ , sonja explained to him in a small voice, which was what he guessed from the beginning. it was odd for even to see sonja who he perceived to be outgoing, talking in a timid voice. he helped sonja carry the papers all the way to bakka and since that day they hang out almost every day before dating officially.

“i’m really sorry, even. i’ll never guilt trip you into having sex with me ever again, i promise. forcing you was never my intention. i was just… so caught up with my own emotions i didn’t realise what i was doing to you.”

“i know you didn’t mean it baby. it’s okay. i forgive you.” even takes sonja to an embrace, holding the back of her head warmly before pressing a kiss on top of her head. he hears sonja mumbling an ‘i love you’ against his chest and even whispers back the same.

“you’re too nice to me, even,” sonja says with a forlorn smile. even simply answers her with a kiss.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not exactly an isak/even centric chapter. but i wanted to show how sonja and even are like as individuals and the dynamics of them together (guess i need to put in the sonja/even tag lol). dunno how to feel about this one cause i feel like it's still messy but it's the best i could do so....lmao im sorry
> 
>  
> 
> u guys r always v sweet with the comments thank u <3!!!


	4. Chapter 4

“hey, chris.” isak looks up to chris. the third year has his fingers threading along isak’s soft blonde curls while staring to the ceiling placidly. isak likes the feeling but he doesn’t say anything, afraid that if he does chris will stop.isak nudges chris’ leg with his foot to get the older’s attention. “chriiiis.”

“hm?” he looks down and meets isak’s gaze. for just a brief moment isak could almost trick himself into believing that chris actually holds romantic feelings towards him. chris’ fingers in his hair doesn’t stop moving in soft, calm strokes.

“do you know um, an even? from bakka?” 

a little part of himself admits that he is curious about even. he got over the whole accidental phone sex issue fairly quick. the fact that even is so chill about it partly making it easy for isak. he doesn’t internally cringe or feel like curling into a ball whenever he thinks about it now. the incident is funny to him. now, he is just curious to know whether even is the same in real life as how he is through text. though being only a year younger than even, isak could feel the age difference. even is quick in his clever replies, very funny and very witty. although even easily gives isak away of his personal information and day-to-day stories — he is very much into film and music. he works at a coffee shop, although his favourite type of coffee is instant convenience store coffee from a packet or a can. just yesterday he almost accidentally lost all footage of his film project. — even is still mysterious to him. something about even is magnetic but isak couldn’t pinpoint the what why or how. isak just simply wants _be_ and talk to even in real life. they hit off easy on text so it should be the same in real life, right?

“who?”

“um. even,” isak repeats even’s name, this time softer. he feels more conscious of himself when he notices chris’ eyes studying his face. “i… i think he studies film in bakka?”

chris turns to his side and isak forces himself to tangle away from chris’ hold. he quickly misses chris’ warm naked skin against his own. he mirrors chris, also turning his body to his side and facing the third year boy. “even from bakka…” chris purses his lips and it took every fibre in isak’s being to not kiss him. he knows if he does that chris would push him away. any slight signs of isak still hoping for chris to settle with him will turn chris away. “nope. doesn’t ring a bell. is this a guy you met on grindr or something?” isak rolls his eyes at the comment but he still laughs good-naturedly. “you don’t struck me as a grindr guy, isak.” chris adds, teasing the younger boy further. 

“ha-ha. very funny.”

“seriously though. why do you ask?” isak lets chris extends his arm over his middle. the older runs his index finger along isak’s spine, always stopping just at the base of his spine and on top of the curve of his bare ass before trailing back to his nape.

the question reminds isak of how he knew even in the first place. he lets out a soft, nervous giggle. chris raises his left eyebrow, finding the other’s response strange and intriguing. “he’s a friend i just…met? i guess,” isak answers. he doesn’t know how even looks like but they’ve been texting each other since the first call so, isak doesn’t feel wrong to regard even as a friend.

“you _guess_? wait— did you really meet him on grindr?”

“what?! no! he’s not gay… he has a girlfriend!” isak is quick to defend even. “and i’m not on grindr… most of them just want to have sex. not interested.”

“what’s wrong with cheap, meaningless sex if it’s good?” and that’s when it hits isak. a strong reminder that despite the soft caresses and careful touches to chris this is just sex. isak knows this and chris has told him that he has no intention of being serious with isak (or with anyone, for that matter) but isak is a stupid, helpless romantic who thinks he could change that. still keeping a foolish fantasy that he and chris would be together. the younger feels utterly pathetic how he is still so blindly in love with chris, so he never dwells on the reality. it is times like this that fracture that illusion.

so isak hides. he build up walls and put up a persona. an isak that is comfortable with being just a fling. _as long as it’s chris_ , he reminds himself despite sounding utterly pitiful. chris watches isak’s lips slowly forming a smirk. he lets isak slowly climb him to straddle his hips. isak pulls his upper body down until he’s chest to chest with the other.

_what’s wrong with cheap, meaningless sex if it’s good?,_ echoes in isak’s mind. “i only settle for great sex, chris.”

 

*

 

evening falls when isak wakes up from sleep. chris’ room is totally dark as they both fell asleep when it was still light outside. the younger removes himself from chris’ hold, wincing a little when he stands up. isak picks up his clothes that are in a pile by chris’ bed, quickly putting them on before leaving chris’ room quietly. their nights together always end with either of them leaving quietly. they both understood from the beginning of their affair that it is the best way.

chris would text him from time to time and is always honest in his intention. isak guess that is one good thing about them. no bullshit and no fuss. _wanna fuck?,_ isak would get texts like these from time to time. these texts are rare once isak is in second year but it’s not that chris stops hooking up entirely. he just doesn’t sleep with isak as much anymore. jonas said it’s fucked up. that chris knows isak has feelings for him but still play around, knowing isak most probably would agree to anything chris say.

walking passed the living room, isak almost forgot he had left his phone in the kitchen. he makes a beeline to the kitchen. isak picks up his phone that is on the kitchen counter and doesn’t realise a smile forming on his lips when he sees even’s name on the screen.

isak answers the text messages from jonas and eskild first. jonas is planning to do a party at his place because his parents is not going to be home the whole weekend and monday. _i’ll see. mama’s bday is next week and pappa wants all of us to spend saturday together._ eskild asked in the kolletivet groupchat if anyone needs anything because he’s stopping by to buy groceries. the text is sent two hours ago so isak doesn’t bother to answer. he open’s even’s text, the older boy has sent isak a picture of a cup of coffee with messy latte art on it.

 

 

_Tell me this looks like dick Isak._

_TELL ME_

_If you say no I’ll block your number_

 

_even_

_is this a sext_

_bc if it is ur rly bad at it_

 

isak shoves his phone to his pocket and begins to walk to the bus stop. the air is cold as always and the brick pavement is wet. isak guesses it rained while he was sleeping. his steps are quick, eager to get inside the warm bus and get home. his stay at chris is longer than anticipated. he hasn’t start on his calculus homework and he needs to finish his physics homework. maybe he can just copy mahdi’s tomorrow morning. it always takes isak twice the amount of time to work on calculus and isak dreads the headache he is going to get. he hopes noora is home to help him.

a soft ping is heard from his pocket when isak gets into the bus. he is quick to get his phone but isak couldn’t help feeling slightly disappointed that it’s just jonas.

 

_alritez_

_u ok?_

_u know u don’t have to go right?_

_cause she’ll say mean things to u_

_and expects u to just take it just cuz ur her son_

 

_u want me to go to ur party that bad?_

_lol_

 

_i’m serious isak_

 

_okay okay_

_lay off the weed sometimes i can’t jokew u anymore_

_it’s chill_

_pappa is gonna be there_

_and i wanna go_

 

_oh_

_speaking of weed_

_elias gunna be there_

 

_whyyyyyyyy do u always invite himmmm_

_elias is a fucking douche_

 

 

he gets texts from even and his fingers are itching to reply it but he ignores the texts, choosing to talk to jonas first.

 

_cuz_

_his weed is cheap_

_lmao_

 

_lmao_

_i fucking hate u_

 

_hate u too issy_

_fr though_

_u can talk to me_

 

_i know_

_i’m fine_

_really_

 

_ok just making sure_

_laterz boiiii_

 

isak hastily opens even’s texts. his heart starting to get excited and he is visibly more happy.

 

_Lol_

_Noooooo_

_It was supposed to be a leaf_

 

“a leaf?!” isak tries to hold down his chuckles and keeping it quiet. an old lady in front of him takes a fast glance at him, flashing a strange look before looking away. isak doesn’t mind.

 

_????_

_i thought u work at a coffee shop_

_ur so bad at latte art_

_where do u work so i know to never go there_

 

_Wow…_

_Excuse me_

_I’m v good at latte art thank u v much_

_Anyways_

_My girlfriend made it lol_

_I guess I’m just not a good teacher :-(_

 

_u mean sonja?_

_shes the one u wanna call last time right hahaha_

 

_Yes_

_Stop reminding me about that_

_:-(_

 

_hmmmmmm_

_lemme think_

_nah_

 

_:-(((((_

_I thought we’re friends Isak_

_How could you_

 

_sheesh_

_so dramatic_

_im p sure its my fate to make fun of u from now on even_

_its destiny_

 

_Destiny huh_

_So cheesy_

 

_me? cheesy???_

_u told me last night u cried watching r &j_

 

_YOU’VE GOT TO BE HEARTLESS IF YOU DON’T CRY WATCHING THAT_

_Which reminds me have you watched it_

 

_even_

_it’s literally has been less than 24 hours since u told me about that movie_

_i don’t have time_

_but i’ll watch it don’t worry_

_i’m gonna make eskild watch it with me_

 

_Eskild? Who is that? Your brother?_

 

_nope_

_sharing a flat w him_

 

_So like what_

_Dating?_

 

_ew no just a flatmate_

_with two other girls_

_plus i’m not eskild’s type_

_and he’s definitely not mine_

 

_What exactly is your type Isak_

 

_i dunno_

_i know when i see one_

_def not eskild_

_oh_

_guys taller than me_

_but that’s difficult bc i’m hella tall lol_

_so i dunno_

 

_That’s it???_

_Height?_

_Isak pls_

 

_whattttt_

_i’ve literally been denying liking boys until i was 15_

_i dunno what kind of boys i like_

_i like all boys_

 

_Aw_

_I’m glad you accepted yourself Isak_

_That’s a brave thing to do_

_:-)_

 

_gross stop being all mushy on me_

_go do ur work or sth_

_i need to do mine_

_physics and calc zzzzz_

 

_Lol_

_Can’t help you there buddy_

_Sciences and Maths are not my thing_

_Ok bye !!_

_Don’t forget to watch the film_

_Talk to u later maybe_

_I need to clean and close the shop anyway_

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

when saturday morning comes isak starts to have second thoughts whether to join his parents today. he wants to go, a small hopeful part of him wants today to be one of those good days. the day he can look back when times with his mother is bad to remind him that things can be better. yet here he is, sitting on his bed with a towel clinging by his hips and fresh out of the shower ready to just lie and skip the day. it’s not the first time he flaked out from a date with his parents. his mother would be upset and angry but pappa would understand. when his parents were still together, isak was closer to his mother than father. life works in strange ways and now his father is more present in his life despite rarely meeting him face to face. isak understands and he has always been an independent kid since young so he doesn’t mind. his father would still check up on him almost every day. 

isak knows he is thinking about this too much and he is sure he’ll look back at this moment in the future it would seem so minuscule and unimportant he wouldn’t understand why he is stressing out over this. isak has 30 minutes left to get ready before meeting his parents at church. he feels like he is trapped between two options and he could imagine either of it ending badly. jonas is right, if he goes his mother would say something sour about him being gay and he would be upset. if he doesn’t go his mother would be so upset and would resent him more. soon those familiar thoughts and doubts of ‘would things be better if i never tell anyone i’m gay?’ seeps into his mind. he knows it’s unhealthy that the only times he thinks about it is when he thinks about his mother but he wants his mother to love him again, very badly that his heart hurts with longing. the edge of his eyes starts to prickle with fresh tears and isak is quick to wipe the small tears threatening to fall down. _get a grip isak_ , he tells himself. he pushes himself dress up and get out of his room, forcing himself to go.

it’s always has been a tradition for them every birthday to visit church before spending time together. isak has never really been religious but he understands how important it is to his mother so he would go for her. when he arrives to church he sees his pappa and mamma waiting for him by the huge front door. his parents doesn’t notice him standing at the walkway to the church. isak stops his tracks and watches them talking to each other, his father’s hand on his mother’s back showing intimacy. he looks at them intently as if he is trying to take a photo with his mind. it is his father who notices isak first, his father immediately opens his arms to greet isak. his father asks if isak is well and isak nods. he tries not to notice the fact that mamma still hasn’t talked to him.

after going to church, his father takes them to a fancy italian restaurant for supper. his father orders a pesto caprese salad, he orders carbonara pasta and his mother orders a mushroom risotto. while waiting for their orders they talk. the conversations were civil and his mother is talking to him, which isak sees as a good sign. isak notices the strange sense of calmness in her voice, almost tranquillised. he almost flinches away when she takes isak’s hand with hers but he quickly eases down and smiles. “happy birthday mamma,” he finally says.

his father has always love the arts. he bought a studio room in an industrial-styled building located at the centre of oslo just so that artists can use it for their art exhibitions. watching a play is his father’s idea but his mother loves theatre even though it’s not as serious or as much as his father. isak doesn’t mind it either. once they were done watching the play his mother says she wants to go to the park nearby, and walk around there first before dinner. they were all generally in a good mood after the show so they happily agree. despite it being evening and the park is eerily dark, they all find comfort walking along the pathway to the park together. isak doesn’t even realise that his mother has her arm hooked around his own. it is just the two of them, with his father walking a few steps behind them. 

it is quiet but isak could tell his mother wants to say something by the way she keeps on taking glances at him. isak doesn’t say anything though and just wait.

“so,” his mother starts. isak hums to tell her that he is listening. “meet any nice first year girls?” 

isak stops walking and looks at her, his face filled with confusion and anger. “mamma _._ what do you mean by that?” he knows, he knows what she meant. but he is giving her a chance. his heart is hammering in his chest and his vision is shaky by the sudden surge of anger.

“you know…a girlfriend,” she replies matter-of-factly. isak feels a hand on his shoulder, not realising that his father is now standing beside him. his hand is heavy and the only thing anchoring isak from totally losing his shit.

“linda,” his father starts, tone of warning threatening in his voice. “you know isak is gay. so don’t ask things like that to him anymore.”

his mother looks almost offended, as if she is the one who is being attacked. isak wants to yell at her, tell her that chris has been fucking him in their home since his first year in nissen but he bites his tongue. “oh alf, you know that’s just one of his rebellious phases. it’s because we’ve been neglecting hi—”

“mamma. i’m gay. i like boys. i’ve been like this for as long as i could remember and—” isak could feel his throat constricting and his chest is heavy with sadness and heartbreak he just wants to run away. “and this isn’t just some _bullshit_ i’m doing for attention. i _wished_ it was mamma, years ago i wished that this was just a phase. it was so difficult for me. i was so _scared_ , mamma and i felt so alone. this isn’t a phase and i’ve accepted that. why can’t you mamma?! i’m still the same isak!” he could barely find his voice now, all choked up with tears. “i went through _shit_ with myself, with you and pappa divorcing. you were sad and i don’t want to see you even more worried with my own problems so i kept it all in for you!”

“isak. breathe.” his father has his hand rubbing up and down his back. they are silent in the middle of the park and he couldn’t read the expression on her face. he wipes his tears, “i’m just gonna go home. i’m tired.” he starts to walk back, quickly turning so that his father couldn’t stop him.

 

*

 

isak could already hear the loud, deep bass when he turns the corner to jonas’ home. walking along the street, he sees a bunch of people walking in and out of the door. the place seems full and there are a lot of unrecognised faces around. he guessed jonas invited his skate friends and then word of the party spreads even more. he weaves his way around the living room, already trashed and every surface is filled with red cups and beer cans. he tries to look for a familiar face and finds vilde and sana sitting at a sofa pushed to a wall. he approaches them.

“where’s jonas? none of the boys are answering my calls.” he decides to ask sana because vilde already looks like she is out of it.

sana pauses for a moment, thinking. “i saw him going upstairs with mahdi and magnus an hour ago. maybe they’re still there?” he is about to walk away when sana calls his name again. isak turns back around. “you okay isak?”

isak shrugs. “yeah, yeah.” he takes the full can of beer from vilde’s hand before chugging it. “i’m chill.” isak leaves them both before sana could ask any further.

 

 

jonas is surprised when he sees isak walk into the guest bathroom. magnus is sitting on the tiled counter by the sink while mahdi and jonas are in the bathtub. there are beer cans scattered around the floor like they have been spending a long time in here. “isak? thought you can’t make it?”

“it ended early. so thought i’d just go to the party rather than spending tonight alone.” jonas doesn’t buy it, as always, but this time he doesn’t have to ask isak to know the reason why. instead he scoots over to give space for isak to sit between him and mahdi and hands him a cold beer. “glad you here. magnus here is starting to be annoying.” jonas teases. isak chuckles.

“fuck you guys,” magnus throws a crushed beer can to jonas’ direction but completely missing him. the can bounces to the blue tiled walls and to the polished floor. the three of them are giggly and well intoxicated. “c’mon isak. it’s no fun when you’re the only one sober. drink it.” mahdi says.

 

 

they spend the next thirty minutes joking around, telling and listening to gossip while finishing the last six pack that they brought two hours ago. jonas suddenly jolts like he just remembered something. he takes out his phone from his back jean pocket, cursing when he looks at the screen. “fuck! elias is here! hey mahdi, can you do me a solid and keep my weed for me?”

mahdi looks at jonas like he couldn’t understand him. “dude. my parents would fucking disown me if they see me with your shit. it’s yours, why don’t you keep it?”

“because i know my mom secretly goes through my things and i don’t want her to find my weed. c’mon, elias is here and i’m about to buy some from him.”

“just lock your door,” magnus replies like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“then they’ll definitely know i’m hiding shit!” they continues to banter around, jonas begging mahdi to just hide it for a few days in exchange for sharing his weed. mahdi replies back with a ‘ _that’s some bullshit exchange because we share weed regardless!’_ while magnus is still adamant on jonas locking his door.

“alright, alright!” isak yells. mahdi winces at the loud volume. “just give it to me, jesus christ. i’ll keep it. eskild is nosy but he doesn’t care. i’ll just endure noora’s nagging if i have to. jeez, you guys are so fucking annoying…”

“isaaaaak, my man!” jonas gives him a drunken kiss on the cheek and isak grimaces. “dude! i totally owe you. c’mon,” jonas jumps off the bath tub and isak clumsily follows, “elias is downstairs.”

isak follows jonas, squeezing past a bunch of people. he sees eva and noora at a corner of the living room trying to stop a group of first years from stealing jonas’ PS4. jonas leads them to the kitchen, where there isn’t much people compared to the rest of the house and is more spacious. he sees elias at the kitchen table talking to a blond boy and a blonde girl beside him. isak couldn’t recognise both of them, just like half of the people he sees here so he doesn’t think much about it. 

“what the fuck jonas, i tried to call you like five times. thought you flaked on me!” elias exclaims as soon as he notices jonas walking into the kitchen. jonas is sheepish. elias is much older than the two of them and jonas has always acts like there is a sense of seniority when it comes to elias and him.

“sorry dude. phone’s on silent.”

the blond stranger eyes both jonas and isak. “you’re selling weed to kids now elias? jeez…” he says, but it is obvious that the stranger is just teasing. “glad to know you’re still getting money though.” elias just laughs, loud and boisterous that isak knows he had a couple of beers before this. 

“anyways,” elias stands and gestures to jonas and isak. “this guy’s jonas.”

“hey dude,” jonas extends his hand to shake the blond stranger’s hand. he has always been the most outgoing out of the two of them. the stranger stands up from his seat to properly take jonas’ hand. isak stays silent, standing behind jonas. he’s here to help jonas store the weed only anyways. that, and he hates elias’ guts.

“blond one is his friend. isak.” elias says casually, nudging his chin to isak’s general direction.

the stranger turns his head to him and stares at isak, surprised. the younger feels slightly uncomfortable by the stranger’s gaze, he wonders if he said or did anything wrong. the shocked expression quickly fades away and there is now a knowing grin on his face. isak tilts his head slightly, confused as to what is happening. “hey…dude.” isak shakes the stranger’s hand.

isak then sees the taller blond chuckles, as if he is missing a joke. “hey isak,” the stranger’s oddly familiar voice saying his name like he has known isak before. “this must be destiny,” the blond says it with a knowing tone and isak quickly _knows_. his mouth slightly gapes open, the thought finally reeling into his mind. “it’s even.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaa i'm v nervous on this one cause i feel like im overkilling it with the drama. fun fact ch.5 was actually done before i published ch.4 lmao but this one went through sooo much editing (soo much, holy shit) i'm not even sure if it's good anymore :-( i hope it is?? and yeah... the whole "hey!! i go to nissen parties sometimes!!" and the text about jonas buying weed from elias is just foreshadow. half of even and isak's texts are probably just foreshadowing lmao pls do tell me ur thoughts!! and as always thank u for the nice comments from the last chapter :-)!!
> 
>  
> 
> twt: @dusermeg


	6. Chapter 6

“you two know each other?” jonas’ narrowed eyes glance to both even and isak. isak never mentioned anyone named even to him and he certainly have never seen the tall blond around. meanwhile isak is still visibly surprised, despite trying to cover it.

it would be an outright, total lie if isak says that he never thinks about or imagine how even would look like. for a few days after their call he is obsessed with trying to give a face to the sultry, deep-voiced male he had heard. he imagined even to be from muscular to lean, a handsome face to something more pretty but isak never imagined him to be…absolutely good-looking and beautiful beyond words. his eyes are a bright blue, almost grey under the kitchen lights and his blond hair pushed up to a beautiful arc, messy and yet so meticulate it looks like even spends time perfecting it. he easily towers over everyone in the room. his lean body is layered up with a grey hoodie and a baby blue denim jacket and his long legs clad in black skinny jeans. it scares isak how easily he is hooked on even.

seeing isak is still shocked and trying to let the whole situation sink in his mind (which even finds amusement in), the tall blond is quick to answer jonas. “yeah. i met isak at uh…” even looks at isak with his lips pursed like he is trying to suppress a smile that only isak would understand, “—work. a few weeks ago.”

“hi,” the blonde next to even speaks up, extending her hand to greet jonas and isak.

even turns to his said. “oh, right! this is sonja,” he says as he wraps an arm around the blonde’s shoulders. the girl takes even’s hand that is balancing on her shoulders while she smiles to jonas, then isak. “my girlfriend,” even adds.

isak smiles back but truthfully he isn’t sure how to react. it is a known fact that even has a girlfriend but it’s still slightly disappointing to isak knowing that the handsome boy is taken. it’s not that isak wished even to be single, it’s more that isak wished he could take sonja’s place.

“um, yeah. even talked about you.” isak is mumbling his words, growing a little shy with even physically in front of him. it isn’t a lie, he is aware who sonja is and isak sometimes jokes around the fact that even was supposed to call sonja instead of him that night. however other than for teasing and jokes, their conversation never really steers around sonja. it always revolves around even or isak.

elias interrupted the conversation, to give jonas his weed. the exchange is quick, elias gives jonas his weed and jonas gives him the money. jonas says his thanks and turns around to leave the kitchen, leaving isak no choice but to follow him. isak could practically feel even’s watchful gaze at the back of his head as he walks out of the kitchen.

 

 

*

 

 

“so this is where you hide huh?”

isak jumps at the sudden sound and he almost dropped the joint in between his fingers. he turns to see even standing with his hand still clutching the door knob. even stays there, hand still wrapped around the metal knob as if waiting for isak to let him step inside.

“dude you fucking scared me.” isak is steadying his breathing and hand on his chest trying to calm down his heart. he isn’t sure if it’s from the scare or because of the taller boy in the same room as him. isak feels like the room is slowly turning humid.

even laughs, all loud and happy it made isak feel butterflies in his gut. the edge of even’s eyes crinkle as he laughs and his smile is so blinding that isak couldn’t help but smile too. isak rests his back to the end of the tub and crossing his legs to give space for even. even takes it as an invite, stepping into the tub. he passes the joint to even and the other easily takes it. 

for awhile they didn’t say anything, letting the muffled music and dull bass from downstairs fill up the silence. the silence between them isn’t awkward but it still doesn’t make isak feel less uneasy and nervous.

isak watches even takes a long pull before smoke blows around his face and isak secretly finds the view absolutely attractive. “you don’t like crowds? is that why you’re here?” even asks and then passes the joint back to isak.

the younger pauses for awhile before answering. he could hear the crowd downstairs cheering for something. “not exactly… i just don’t feel like going around talking to people today.”

even is looking at isak so intently he isn’t sure what to do with the attention. the older isn’t exactly being discreet about it too. so isak looks everywhere except for the older boy in front of him. the taller nods, accepting isak’s answer. in the midst of their silence justin bieber’s boyfriend can be heard blasting downstairs. isak, mind dulled from the joint and is slightly giddy, let out a soft giggle. the older raises his eyebrows and points a bemused look. 

“i bet you that’s noora blasting her playlist downstairs,” isak says pointedly but with no heat in his words. noora would blare her bubblegum pop music playlist in the apartment constantly and although isak always show his distaste towards the girl’s music — he secretly likes how noora’s music always lifts the mood of everyone in the apartment. 

“noora?”

“my roommate. i think i told you i’m living with three other people?”

even nods. “yeah, i only know eskild though.”

“oh. well, other than eskild i live with noora and linn.”

even nods to show that he is listening. “so… you like justin bieber?” isak stares at him, shocked and offended that even would assume such a thing from him. finding isak’s appalled expression adorable, the older boy laughs. “hey, nothing wrong with liking justin bieber! if it makes you feel any better, gabrielle is my go-to music when i want to be happy.”

the younger boy sputters and laughs, initially thinking it’s just one of even’s jokes but the older starts humming to 5 fine frøkner.  “you’re fucking serious?!” 

“uh… yeah. dead serious.”

“even, i don’t think we can be friends anymore i’m sorry.” isak says in disbelief when even starts singing the hook.

even holds his hands against his chest, acting like the other’s words have hurt him. “ouch, isak. after everything we’ve been through?” isak giggles and nods, playing along. 

“then tell me, what type of music should i listen to? i’ll listen to anything to get you back!” even pulls himself closer to the other until they're knees are almost touching. neither of them notice the proximity, too caught up with each other’s presence. “what music gets you going isak?”

isak hums in thought, looking upwards with his lips pursed. even looks fixedly at him, waiting for his answer. “i like 90s hiphop a lot.”

“oh?” even replies, genuinely surprised with isak’s answer. “do you listen to nas?”

“nas… hmm, yes.”

even chuckles at how obvious isak is being. he finds it cute how isak is such a bad liar, yet the boy is naive of this fact. “you sure you know nas?”

isak looks slightly offended that even doesn’t believe his lie. “yeah… i know about… nas…” even swears he could _hear_ the sulky pout in isak’s voice.

“mhm, sure,” even’s tone teasing, “don’t worry. i’ll text you some links later, isak.”

“you don’t have to ‘cause i already know him.” isak answers, staying with his lie. it’s obvious that even is not buying his words at all now but he couldn’t just admit he lied. deep down he wants to impress the older boy.

the playlist has now moved on to a daft punk tune. isak isn’t afraid to hold his gaze to even now thanks to the weed making him slightly brave. the older looks back at him with a heated look.

isak grins as he nods his head down. “you know even— is it…is it weird if i say you don’t look like how i imagined?”

“oh? you’ve thought about how i looked like?” the taller blond replies mischievously. 

“that’s not what i meant,” he says and rolls his eyes.

“okay then. how exactly did you imagine me isak?”

“i… don’t know. i just didn’t imagine you to be…” isak voice trails off and his eyes casts down, unable to find the perfect word to add.

even flashes a soft, knowing smile. “tall?” despite his soft features, there is a hint of teasing in his voice. the older finds it adorable how isak’s cheeks quickly turn rosy, obviously affected by his comment. he stares at isak fondly, totally amused at the other’s reaction.

“shut up,” isak groans and buries his head in between his knees, embarrassed. “i shouldn’t have told you that,” even could hear isak's muffled complain.

“hey, i wasn’t the one who—”

“even?” a voice interrupted their conversation. both of them whip their heads towards the door, seeing sonja by the door. the girl seems shocked to see the both of them sitting in the tub and only then that isak is aware that even and him are physically close, closer than they were initially. “mika is here to pick us up. you have an early appointment tomorrow remember?”

“why did you ask mika to pick us up?” they both got here by bus and taxi is always an option. isak notices the annoyance in even’s tone. 

“c’mon babe. he’s already waiting downstairs.” sonja answers, obviously trying to avoid answering even’s question and isn’t in the mood to fight. 

isak suddenly feels like an outsider in the room. the boy thought to leave and let the two talk but before he could stand up even steps out of the tub with a small exasperated, defeated sigh.

“yeah. okay. let’s go.”

 

 

*

 

 

walking out of the bathroom, isak sees jonas, mahdi and magnus standing outside and the three look at him expectantly. jonas probably told the other two about the strange encounter at the kitchen earlier tonight and now the three of them are curious. “so you _do_ know the guy?” jonas says first. “his girlfriend asked around if anyone saw him and i saw even walking upstairs… i shouldn’t have said anything…”

isak waves his hand dismissively, cutting off jonas. “it’s okay. nothing happened.”

“and yeah, i do know him,” isak answers matter-of-factly. he shoves his hands inside his dark blue hoodie. might as well get it over with instead of letting them interrogate him like this for a whole week. the boys can be unrelenting at times. 

“but i’ve never seen him before. or heard you mention his name,” jonas answers back.

magnus adds, “also, i would notice if anyone’s looking like that in nissen.”

“that’s because even’s from bakka.” the three give isak a pointed look, pushing isak to explain further. as if that one answer explains everything. isak rolls his eyes. “do i _really_ have to tell you guys now? is the guy _that_ important?”

“well you don’t really have to… but we’ll keep on asking,” magnus replies.

“it’s nothing really… just, it’s so stupid…” isak mumbles. “i knew him because…because he accidentally called me and we started texting.”

“okay…” jonas is still trying to process isak’s story with what had happened in the kitchen minutes before.

mahdi interferes, “then why are you like this?” he gestures his hand up and down isak’s figure.

“…like what?”

“being all shy and secretive and shit,” mahdi replies, sounding slightly annoyed. mahdi gets a little offended whenever isak starts being secretive. jonas understands isak without him saying anything while magnus is just utterly dense he wouldn’t notice. meanwhile mahdi would be angry — not at isak, never to isak. he just gets annoyed that isak is always holding his words and feelings back, always hiding. and mahdi is sick of it.

isak sputters nervously and narrows his eyes to at the three in disbelief. “me?” the blond points to himself, “shy?!”

“uh, yeah.” jonas answers back like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “you were all flustered and strangely quiet.”

“do you…like him or something?” mahdi asks. 

“what?!” isak shrieks so loudly his voice cracked. “no—no!” he repeats again for emphasis. they were all still not buying it, judging from the doubtful looks he is getting. “fine— i’ll tell you— the reason i was… _shy,_ ” isak hesitates with the word, “is because of how we know each other. when he accidentally called me, it’s not exactly _calling_.” they wait for isak to continue. “he wanted to call sonja, but called my number instead.” he hopes they could connect the dot themselves but the boys are still waiting for further explanation. “it was fucking phone sex okay!” isak says through gritted teeth, unsure as to why he is embarrassed to confess. “he wanted to call sonja but called me instead. that’s how we know each other. _that’s_ why i looked… _shy_.”

jonas doesn’t laugh. he knows how sensitive isak can get sometimes and he knows this is one of those instances. so he just widens his eyes in surprise before grinning. mahdi, totally isn’t expecting that answer, couldn’t even laugh. he sputters unable to comprehend the situation. magnus tries to hold down his chuckles, despite failing.

isak looks back at jonas, who is now staring at him expectantly like he has something he wants to say. “what?”

“he’s… he’s kind of... _really_ handsome though.”

isak looks at jonas like he is out of his mind. “what?” the blond laughs. the other two nods in agreement and isak couldn’t believe what he is seeing.

“hey! i might be straight but i know a good looking guy when i see one.” jonas nudges isak and his thick brows pull up suggestively. isak just rolls his eyes, annoyed at the connotation. “what?” jonas looks back with mock in his eyes, “you two basically went third base already.”

mahdi hollers while magnus giggles. isak laughs louder, “fuck off jonas.”

 

 

*

 

 

_Hey Isak_

 

_hey_

 

_Party still going?_

 

_probably. i went home early with noora_

_she’s drunk as hell lol_

 

_Okay cool_

_Sorry we couldn’t talk long_

 

_it’s ok lol u don’t have to apologise_

_nice meeting u tho_

 

_But I wanted to stay_

_I really do_

 

 

isak isn’t sure how to reply. his thumbs hover on the screen trying to think of a response. is even serious? or is he teasing isak, like he always do? his phone pings, showing another message from even.

 

 

_Isak_

 

_yes_

 

_I did too_

 

_??_

_did what_

 

_Thought about you_

_How you’d look like_

 

 

isak is afraid. afraid what would happen if he extends the conversation further. so he doesn’t reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've started to second-guess my own writing so it's been v difficult for me to be totally happy with a chapter and worthy enough to publish lmao so thank u for being patient with me!! i hope this update is worth the wait?? as always thank u for the kudos and comments <3
> 
>  
> 
> twt: @dusermeg it's locked bc reasons but u can still follow, if u want :-)!!


	7. Chapter 7

when isak walks into the school compound he immediately make a beeline towards jonas, magnus and mahdi who are crowding together by the cafeteria exit. they didn’t notice isak walking towards them, too engrossed in talking to each other. they all greet each other with a casual _halla_ or a nod before continuing their gossip. isak naturally joins in the conversation, laughing at magnus’ story about his recent dream of vilde tying him up on his bed.

 

minutes into the conversation, isak’s phone pings. they all stopped talking, distracted by the sudden loud noise and are looking down at the phone in isak’s hand. usually, they would go back to talking but isak’s phone goes off another three times which catch their attention even more.

 

isak grips the phone in his hand tighter. he isn’t even sure if the messages are from even but he isn’t keen on checking his phone to make sure.

 

the three wait for isak to check his phone. “uh… you don’t want to check that?” magnus raises his eyebrows and points to isak’s phone.

 

isak shrugs and scrunches his face before shaking his head. “nah. it’s nothing serious, probably just eskild being clingy and weird to me.” god must be playing a joke on him because the moment after he answers magnus his phone pings again earning more curious looks from all three of them.

 

“bro, you better check. maybe it’s serious.”

 

isak sighs and tries not to roll his eyes. he swipes open his phone and his heart jumps seeing even’s name on his screen. he thought against opening the text thread but he feels the pressure under the watchful eyes of his three friends.

 

 

_Morning Isak :-)_

_Sorry for being weird last night haha_

_Was that too creepy? :-(_

_Hope you’ll have a nice day you grumpy baby_

 

_Isak?_

_You usually reply fast :-(_

 

_hey even_

_no it’s okay i was just surprised that’s all_

_i’m okay now_

_everything’s chill_

 

 

the reply from even was immediate.

 

 

_Okay :-)_

_I really want us to keep being friends_

_So sorry if I was being weird to you_

_Never meant it_

 

_no worries_

 

 

“who was it?” magnus asks. jonas throws magnus a pointed look and mahdi nudges magnus with a ‘dude!’. they both had an idea on who it was, but waits for isak to actually say it.

 

“um…” he stares at his screen, “even. he greeted me good morning, that’s all.” it’s not an outright lie, even _did_ greet him good morning.

 

“aw… that’s so fucking cute! what the hell!” magnus shrieks.

 

isak gives magnus a small smile. he looks down to the ground kicking the dead leaves under his feet. he isn’t sure where he is standing with even right now. even seems to be interested in him but it might all just be in isak’s head. they have talked almost every day for the whole of last month but have only met yesterday. would it be foolish for him to anticipate something more? even seems to be a naturally charming and friendly guy which makes isak doubt more. isak might just be imagining everything and even could just actually be interested in being friends with him.

 

the bell disrupts his thoughts and he mindlessly follows behind jonas to english class trying to push the thoughts he had away.

 

 

*

 

_Idg why I have to wear a white dress shirt for work_

_when coffee spillage is part of my job hazard smh_

_And it’s only 11am_

_Hope your Wednesday is going better than mine <3 lol_

 

_busy with school actually haha_

 

_Damn_

_Second year is more difficult than I remembered_

_Then again I was high like most of the time lmao_

 

_haha_

 

 

even has been texting him constantly the past two weeks but the texts were left unanswered by him or he would lie that he is swamped with work to entertain even’s texts. even would still text him though, and isak half-wishes even wouldn’t. it’s making isak difficult to ignore his feelings towards even. he isn’t going to ruin another relationship like he did with jonas’. he is over being that person. he tells himself that the sooner even is out of his life, the sooner he’ll get over the older boy.

 

deep inside though, isak knows he is fucked.

 

isak finds himself spending more time with chris, because chris never pester him to talk about his problems and never expect isak of anything. he is okay with chris. so the blond called chris three hours ago, asking if he’s home so isak can drop by. while isak is lying on his back the other boy is sitting up, his back pressed up against the wall. chris reaches his hand to sweep away isak’s bangs that are sticking on his forehead.

 

the room is quiet. chris is too distracted with his phone and the silence allows isak to be swept away again with his thoughts. _i am so in love. i am so fucking in love, too quick, too easy, that it terrifies me. always in love with the wrong guy. i met him at the wrong time. i want him for myself but i can’t be selfish. i don’t know if i could even trust myself, what if i make the wrong choice and i ruined someone’s relationship over a mistake?_

 

a corner of chris’ otherwise dimlit room lights up. it catches isak’s attention and turns to look at the light source. it’s coming from his discarded jeans, someone must be texting him. he walks to get his phone and he could feel his breath taken out of his lungs when he sees even’s name on screen. he has been ignoring even for days, leaving short answered replies or made-up excuses just to keep the conversation short. isak feels exhausted lying and running away from his problems constantly, but he isn’t ready to face reality yet so instead of answering he puts his phone by chris’ bed.

 

chris watches isak curls back inside his blanket. chris rarely see isak like this, the boy always has a sense of confidence and strength around him. the older knows most of the time isak is just pretending to be strong but nevertheless, he manages to be convincing most of the time. chris guesses isak learns it after years of living in a rough household, with his parents constantly fighting and him having to deal with and hide his sexuality for years. no one really knew how serious his family problem was until they heard news of his father leaving his mother three months before divorcing. hell— no one even knew that for months isak has been taking care of his mother who was broken by the divorce before moving out to live with eskild once their divorce settles down.

 

chris isn’t sure if he is allowed to ask but he speaks up anyway. “isak? is everything okay? everything good with… your family?” everyone knows when it comes to personal family issues, isak hates to speak about it so he teeters around the matter carefully.

 

“it’s— it’s not that.” as if on cue, his phone vibrates against the floor. and again. and again. isak lets out a tired huff, reaching around to get his phone and turning it off before putting it inside the drawer. _out of sight out of mind,_ he tells himself.

 

“i’m tired chris. gonna sleep.” isak mumbles dismissively, closing his eyes and letting sleep take him over.

 

 

*

 

 

when isak wakes up, chris is fully clothed and also seems to be awake moments before, judging from his tired eyes. “noora’s calling you.” the older shoves his phone towards him.

 

isak sits up causing the blanket that was covering him to fall down his chest and he outwardly shivers at the cold. “huh?”

 

“noora called me. and she said she needs to talk to you. you turned off your phone, isak.”

 

immediately isak mindlessly grabs chris’ phone, assuming she’s just calling to remind him of something. he greets noora with an exhausted _halla_. “isak…” he perks up a little hearing noora’s tone. her voice is soft and calm but he could tell noora is on edge about something. he could hear eskild going _‘is that isak?’_ and then continuous rambling about something at the background before noora shushed him. 

 

“noora what’s going on? why is eskild yelling?” isak looks back at chris who is now looking worried and alarmed. 

 

“there is…a…a half-naked guy outside our apartment.”

 

“what the fuck?!” he hears a _‘give me the fucking phone noora! oh my god!’_ and rustling before he hears eskild’s voice clearly on the phone.

 

“someone is outside yelling your name, isak!” isak jolts up yet he is unsure if he heard eskild right.

 

isak’s mind is spinning and everything sounds so unreal isak almost feels like he is still dreaming.“slow down, what— what do you mean? a _half-naked_ guy—”

 

“jesus christ— just get back home please? maybe it’s a friend or something he seems _high_. we’re all fucking terrified, noora is worried. and it’s very cold outside.”

 

isak is already on his feet and scrambling to find his clothes before eskild even closes off the call. chris, still not understanding the situation, looks even more concerned watching isak struggle to find his shirt. 

 

“can you drive me home? something’s happening at home i don’t want to waste time waiting for taxi and—”

 

chris is already reaching for his car key and jacket.

 

 

*

 

 

it normally takes fifteen minutes from chris’ home to isak’s apartment but chris was driving incredibly fast, reaching the apartment in less than ten minutes. the clock in chris’ car shows that it is three in the morning and the snow-paved roads are almost empty. 

 

when chris turns to the corner of his apartment he could already recognise the man clad in thin boxers in front of his building, pacing around. “what the fuck—” he tells chris to stop his car and the car barely stops when isak starts running towards the taller boy.

 

“even?” isak removes his puffed jacket and immediately wraps it around even’s body. he is almost in tears looking at even’s blueish skin. “what the fuck are you doing?!” isak says with angry tears already threatening to fall. noora, eskild and linn who are standing by the front door are now running towards them.

 

“how long was he here?” isak holds even’s hand to drag him inside the building but hissed when he touched even’s skin. “fuck even, you’re so cold.” isak’s voice is shaky and it feels like something is choking his throat, he is absolutely terrified and he doesn’t know what to do. he looks at noora who is now wrapping a pink blanket around even and he almost went off at noora, angry yells of _why the fuck did you just let him freeze to death outside?!_ hanging at the edge of his lips.

 

even looks at him with elation in his eyes that isak couldn’t recognise. he has seen even happy, but it’s not like this and it scares isak more. when isak tries to drag him inside the taller boy refuses. instead even hugs him and laughs. the cold exposed skin against isak’s own making him shiver. “wait, isak! i want to— i drew you all of this and,” even shoves crumpled pieces of paper to isak’s hands. the blond stares at the small torn up papers, notes, movie tickets and grocery receipts in his hands. “i want you to see it. i want you to know i am so fucking sorry.”

 

on the pieces of paper are doodles of the same boy in a snapback and a large jacket or just drawings of eyes, lips or a nose. even takes isak’s face between his hands, the older’s breath so cold brushing against isak’s nose. “you’re so beautiful, isak.”

 

isak cries. isak cries because even is saying these things to him that he could only dream but he isn’t even sure if the boy means it. isak cries because he is afraid for even. he is worried. “even please, can you just come inside. it’s cold.” isak begs with a shaky voice. the taller boy follows, once isak takes the drawings from his hands. 

 

 

 

eskild tells isak that he was about to call the police but decides against it because he doesn’t want isak’s friend to get in trouble just in case the boy is high. then apologises for not helping, they were all caught off-guard and unsure on what to do. “i’m not sure if the neighbours called the police though. he was being pretty loud,” eskild adds.

 

isak barely paid attention to eskild talking, his mind is thinking of a million things at once. when noora sets up a pillow and blanket on the couch isak tells her that he’s taking even to his room, just so he can keep a close eye on him. noora doesn’t say anything other than giving isak the pillow and blanket. linn tells him she’ll turn up the heater tonight for even.

 

even is calmer than he was minutes before, but he was still rambling on about how the snow is beautiful outside, how much he misses isak and that he has so many things to tell him. isak tunes everything out, he couldn’t catch up with most of what even is saying, and focuses on trying to find his thickest sweater and pants for even. _one by one_ , isak tells himself.

 

when even is fully clothed, he stays standing by the window sill and then would walk around the room. the initial shock of finding even naked outside his apartment has subsided but now he is just worried, confused and afraid. “did you— did you walk here?” he is sitting at the edge of his mattress, trying very hard to sound normal.

 

“yeah. i, uh,” even is pacing in front of isak, “asked elias where you live and i walked all the way here. i was thinking about so many things but my thoughts always come back to you.”

 

isak could feel himself on the edge of tears again. “you must be tired. c’mon even. sleep.”

 

“can’t.”

 

“then just— just lie down with me?”

 

even turns to look at isak, who is staring back at him with concern. even is confused as to why isak is looking at him like that. “why would we?” even answers excitedly. he points to the window, “isak! look! the snow looks so beautiful outside. let’s play— it’s been awhile since i’ve played in the snow!” even laughs. “i love spending time with you.”

 

“even. please.” isak’s voice cracks, “just—”

 

even looks at isak, worry on his face when he sees isak on the edge of breaking down. “isak?” he sits next to isak and holds the smaller boy in his arms. isak couldn’t help but curl himself closer to even’s body and cries silently. “baby?” even realises that isak looks scared.

 

“please just lie down with me even.” isak desperately pleads. even softens and agrees.

 

 

*

 

 

it was only during dawn did even calmed down and fell asleep. isak couldn’t sleep too worried and his nerves too strung out. he is terrified if he closes his eyes he would lose even again. when noora stops by his room with warm tea for even he asks her to keep an eye on even while he calls jonas.

 

it took three calls to jonas before the boy picks up. isak doesn’t wait for a greeting, “can you tell elias to tell sonja—”

 

“whoa, whoa. slow down isak,” he hears rustling from the other end, “what did you say?”

 

“can you tell elias, to tell sonja that even is with me? he— i don’t fucking know. he was probably drunk out of his mind or high as fuck— just tell sonja even’s with me.”

 

“yeah, dude, sure. i’ll tell him right after this call.”

 

“don’t text him jonas, call him. sonja needs to know—”

 

“i know isak. i’ll call him until he picks up. don’t worry.” isak draws out a long breath he didn’t even know he was holding.“look, is. i know this isn’t probably the right time and i know you hate telling things that bother you but _please_ , talk to me okay? kebab on me, as much as you want. tomorrow noon. no questions.”

 

isak closes his eyes for a few seconds before opening it back, slowly. “okay.”

 

 

 

he finally reads his unread text messages after jonas ends the call. there were over a dozen from the boys, one from eskild asking if he is coming home tonight and five texts from even.

 

 

_I prayed we would stay together_

_Wish it’d last forever_

 

_Let me take a trip down memory lane_

 

_It’s like I heard nothing for a thousand years_

_It’s like I can feel, it’s like I can breathe_

_It’s like I can live, it’s like I can love_

 

_I was sent here for you_

_We were made to love_

_You were sent for me too_

_We were made to love_

 

_Would you believe me if I said I’m in love_

_Baby I want you to want me_

 

 

isak couldn’t make sense of the whole situation. to him, nothing adds up and nothing made sense. an unknown number pops up on his screen, disrupting his thoughts. isak accepts the call.

 

“is he hurt?” isak recognises the voice on the other end as sonja.

 

“no.”

 

“how is he?”

 

“he’s fine… i took his temperature and it’s normal—”

 

“i mean _how is he—_ what is he doing right now? trashing up places? pacing around the room? rambling about something?”

 

he couldn’t understand the meaning behind sonja’s tone but he answers. “no, he was like that hours before but he’s…” isak looks through the door and at the figure on his bed, covered by layers of blankets, “he’s lying down.”

 

“asleep?”

 

“i don’t think so.”

 

“okay.” isak hears sonja takes a deep breath. “don’t force him to sleep, just let him be. but keep him calm. no matter what he says, don’t let him go out. i’m going to his house and talk to his parents, get his meds and be there in a few hours.”

 

_meds?_ “what’s… what’s wrong with him?”

 

“nothing’s _wrong_ with him,” sonja snaps quickly hearing isak’s reply. “…he hasn’t told you?”

 

“told me about what?”

 

“he’s bipolar, isak.” isak stays quiet, waiting for sonja to explain to him further. “look, i’ve got to go. if anything serious happens call me okay? if even asks, tell him i’ll be there soon to pick him up.” sonja is speaking slowly to him but he could tell the older girl is worried and is on edge like him too. for a moment he wishes sonja would be here with even instead of him, she probably knows how to handle the situation better than him.

 

 

*

 

 

isak holds his face in between his hands, unable to understand anything. chris is still in here, staying in the living room. the boy is sitting at the other end of the couch looking at isak with concern. the blond feels warmth on his shoulders and his side, slowly realising that chris is hugging him.

 

“is your…friend okay?”

 

“i don’t fucking know,” isak snarls, “apparently i didn’t fucking know anything.” isak chuckles, laughing at himself for being so stupid, so foolish and so clueless as always. chris keeps silent but his hand is rubbing up and down isak’s back to comfort him. “why the fuck does these things happen to me…” the blond wallows at the mess of tonight’s situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (0 to 100 real quick lmao)
> 
> next few chapters deadass gonna be dialogue heavy cause jfc does isak need to work on his trust and communication issues lol also, i know there isn't a lot of even and it annoys me so MUCH i wish i could just jump chapters and write cute even/isak moments it KILLS me too. patience tho cause i swear ta god im gonna go full on fluff once i get the chance and i'll try to slip in some even's pov chapters whenever i see fit.
> 
> i always sound like a broken record in these endnotes but really, thank u for the nice comments and kudos. i don't think i deserve them lmao but they always make my day :-) so thank u!!x100
> 
> twt: @dusermeg


	8. Chapter 8

eskild and noora went to bed two hours ago, only after isak finally managed to convince the two of them that he is okay. chris promised the two of them to keep isak company, which eased their mind a little bit. chris even offers to look after even while waiting for sonja. “don’t force yourself, isak. if you’re tired you can sleep. i’ll keep an eye out of your friend for you.” isak declines. he is exhausted, yes, but he couldn’t sleep no matter how much he tries.

 

sonja arrives to fetch even up four hours later, looking absolutely worried. she enters the apartment with a thick hoodie and jacket on her arm, asking for even without even a proper greeting. isak quietly leads sonja to his room, where even is. the tall boy is in the exact position isak saw hours ago but the unsteady breathing tells him that the older is still awake. the steps sonja takes towards even are slow and careful and her voice is soft when she calls out even’s name. _like a child_ , isak thinks.

 

it doesn’t take much for sonja to get even out of bed, the even that isak witnessed hours ago who was filled with energy is now gone. almost lifeless. isak could only stand by his bedroom door while he watches sonja puts on a hoodie to even before wrapping a jacket around his body. sonja is mumbling something softly that isak couldn’t make out, while even is unresponsive. silent. it’s worrying for isak to see even this way, when he is so used to seeing the cheerful, charming and happy even.

 

the two walks out of isak’s room, walking past isak. “h-hey, sonja?” isak calls out. he isn’t sure why he always feel slightly intimidated of sonja.

 

sonja simply turns to look back at isak. 

 

“he’s— he’s going be okay…right?”

 

“he’ll go to his doctor to reassess his meds, hopefully things will be normal again quickly.” the answer is short and quick. isak sensed since the first time they met at jonas’ party that sonja doesn’t like him for some reason. isak follows the two of them until the front door, his eyes is trained to even. the older boy has his eyes casted down. despite sonja’s answer, he still couldn’t help but worry. 

 

“thanks for telling me,” sonja promptly says before leaving the place.

 

 

 

*

 

 

the next morning isak’s plan is clear. leave his room swiftly, ignore eskild and noora’s pesky questions, act normal in school (normal enough to pass jonas’ observing eyes), run back to his room and avoid eskild and noora (again). but it proves to be difficult when his two older roommates are already banging on his bedroom door in the morning under the pretenses of bringing in breakfast in bed for isak.

 

“we thought it’s the least we could do to apologise. we shouldn’t have left your friend in the cold like that,” noora says as she takes a spot on isak’s bed. eskild places the tray of food on isak’s legs before sitting next to isak, effectively trapping isak with no easy way to leave.

 

eskild takes a glass of orange juice from the tray and handing it to isak, prompting him to drink. “also, our poor baby isak must be so stressed out last night. you need to eat before heading off to school!”

 

isak shoves away eskild’s finger that poking on his cheek. it’s too early for isak to fight off eskild’s babying right now. “ _god_ , you two are so annoying.” isak mumbles, but he still grabs a toast before munching on it. 

 

eskild looks at isak eating his breakfast, and then to noora before he starts speaking up. “so…” eskild pauses. isak waits for the other to continue but the older boy is giving knowing looks to noora like the two of them are arguing over something. 

 

isak rolls his eyes and groans. “what is it?” he mumbles with mouth full of toast, “just say it eskild.”

“who’s…even?” _there it is._ isak keeps quiet while he weighs his options. he honestly couldn’t be bothered with eskild nosy questions. he knows the older boy means well — shown in his own strange eskild ways — but isak has never been keen or fond with talking about feelings or pour away his problems to others. 

 

he stabs a few scrambled eggs with his fork. “i told you, a friend.” isak tries to answer nonchalantly. 

 

noora audibly breathes out a sigh of relief. she knows isak can be grumpy when people bother him too much, especially in the mornings. but really that’s just how the younger boy deal with people who gets too close. he’ll lash out to push people away or shut himself away even further.

 

“ _okaaaaay_ that’s it eskild. enough questions. let isak eat his breakfast and get ready.”

 

eskild grins and sloppily kisses isak’s cheek once again before leaving. “have a nice day darling!” the older waves with utmost glee. isak wonders where eskild manages to find the emotional energy to be ready and happy 24 hours per day. it’s a blessing though, especially in the apartment. isak is always either grumpy or moody or both, linn has the natural tendency to suck everyone’s happiness while noora always worries about everyone. eskild calls himself the fairy of the bunch. which isak secretly agrees. as he continues to finish his breakfast he could already feel his mood lifting up a little bit. 

 

 

*

 

 

despite being woken up earlier than he usually does, isak still ended up coming to school slightly late. he missed registration and had to take a late slip from the office. he missed the first ten minutes of maths, which he isn’t complaining at all. his phone lets out a _ping!_ showing messages from jonas.

 

 

_ didn’t see u in the morn _

_ u in school? _

 

_ yeah _

_ was late _

 

_ still on for kebab later? _

 

_ hell yeah _

_ ur buying _

 

_ ofc, as promised _

_ cool :) _

_ see ya later iss _

 

 

he scrolls through even’s old texts, feeling a surge of worry for even’s well-being. sonja said he’d be fine, that he just need to adjust his medications but that doesn’t really help to subside his worry. he talks himself out of sending even a text, thinking that the other boy probably wants to be alone. _sonja is with him, why would he wants to talk to you?_ , isak tells himself. he tells himself that even would talk to him when he’s ready to speak again.

 

 

*

 

 

“why the fuck did you buy lamb?” isak laughs and takes a bite out of his large lamb kebab just to annoy jonas even more. “you’re too fucking bougie for a normal chicken kebab or something?” jonas sighs exasperatedly as he puts his wallet back into his pocket. jonas rebalances the skateboard on his left arm. 

 

“you said kebab is on you!” isak chuckles. “sorry,” his elbow nudges jonas’ softly in teasing. jonas knows isak is absolutely not sorry.

 

“you’re fucking lucky you’re my bro is.” the blond lets out a shriek of laughter.

 

they both fall to comfortable silence. jonas breaks it first by telling a story that magnus told them this morning when isak wasn’t around. magnus asked for one of the dancer girls’ number and easily got one. the guy was so ecstatic about it and bragged to everyone but turns out the number is a fake one. isak chuckles, _classic magnus_.

 

“he’s just making himself too easy for people to pick on him,” isak states. jonas hums and nods. in a way isak adores magnus for being so open about his feelings and thoughts. sometimes it’s annoying and other times his no filter gets him in trouble, but isak finds magnus’ confidence and trust as a strength.

 

“so, what’s up with you?” the brunet comments. “you’ve been secretive lately isak. more than usual,” he adds.

 

isak shrugs. “things just… happened.”

 

“you gotta be more specific than that bro. i bought you fucking lamb kebab for this.” jonas jokes and the other laughs. “you called me yesterday about even,” he prompts further, “is he bothering you?”

 

“no— not at all! that’s just. i don’t really fucking know to be honest. he came to the apartment. yelling my name apparently. half naked. in the cold.”

 

“wait, _what_? why was he yelling your name? can’t your hear him?”

 

“i wasn’t home. i was with…” isak takes a quick glance at jonas, who is looking back at him with earnest concern that isak couldn’t bear to lie or hold back anything from his best friend. not when he expects isak of the full truth. “chris.”

 

“isak—”

 

“before you want to say anything, i want you to first listen. i was with chris, but that’s not the point. even was manic that night.”

 

“what do you mean manic?”

 

“he’s bipolar. i just knew that night. after everything happened.”

 

“i kind of ignored him after meeting him at the party. he told me he… he thinks about me sometimes and i couldn’t understand. i couldn’t bear knowing what he might mean so i just… ignored him. but he kept on texting me and then last night he,” isak remembers even’s drawings, “these drawings of me jonas. he— he showed me.” jonas keeps silent and continues to listen. “and he said these things, i thought maybe just maybe he likes me— _too—_ but then sonja said he’s bipolar and i think, he must’ve just been him being manic.”

 

“how’s even now?” it is isak who is silent now.“you don’t know? you haven’t checked on him?”

 

“i don’t know if it’s my place to say anything to him right now.”

 

“‘ _not your place’_?”

 

“well, yeah. i mean, i’m just a friend and sonja seems fully capable of taking care of him—”

 

“okay isak. listen. i’m saying this out of love and care for you; you need to stop being caught up around yourself. maybe you’re right in thinking it’s not your place to say anything but that’s not the point. there is nothing wrong with showing support, is. and i don’t think it’s fair for you to label everything even does as his manic episodes. he’s a person, isak. not just some one dimensional object. whatever you feel or think happened between you two might be more real than you think. drop him a text. right now. talk to him.”

 

“what am i supposed to say? ‘hope you feel better’? ‘how’s it going’?”

 

“i don’t fucking know man. you talked to him! you should know what to say. just stop second guessing.”

 

 

_hey even. i’m worried about you._

_are you doing okay?_

_you were really cold last night._

_i think the last few weeks have been confusing._

_text me back whenever you feel ready._

_we can talk_

 

 

“dude, add a smiley or some shit you sound so serious. you’re gonna scare him off.” jonas comments.

 

isak rolls his eyes. “you said you’re gonna let me do this on my own,” the blond whines.

 

“just add a smiley. he must be down right now so maybe that’ll make him feel a little better.”

 

“okay, fine.”

 

 

_we can talk_

_:)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i !! am !! back !! i am so sos so sorry for leaving this fic for two months. it's a mix of "i don't think this fic is good enough to be continued" and also a busy school life lmao. i'm having my break now though and i revisited the fic. it's been awhile so i am a little rusty (there are Definitely grammar errors in this one) but hopefully i'll go back to being decent (lmao) in the upcoming chapters. 
> 
> i'm v v excited for skam s4, especially since i'm also a muslim and so far the season is sooo relatable lmao i'm so so happy and thankful for skam, iman and julie for doing this. the little evak moment was super cute too! isak's character continues to develop and i love it :-)!! and honestly...THE BALLOON SQUAD.....im absolutely excited. i feel like since this is the last season, the girl squad, boy squad, evak and the balloon squad will just collide somewhere along the way and wreck utter havoc lmao.
> 
> thank you for the kudos and comments as always <3!!! (i get email notifications of them and they honestly make my day!!)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning for mentions of depression and bipolar disorder.

when even wakes up from his sleep, he couldn’t tell the time. whenever he is down he always feels like he is in a tunnel, that he sees no end of. the concept of time holds no importance to him and the days all seem to jumble in together. the room is dim with the curtains tight shut but he could tell that the sun is out. there is a bowl of fruits and a tall glass of water on his bedside table, along with a tube of newly prescribed pills. sonja is curled up beside him, her hand intertwined with his. the girl has not missed a day in taking care of him. he has no appetite when he is down but sonja never missed on providing even with a meal every few hours or so. he wonders how anyone could spend so much time on him like sonja does. he thinks sonja is wasting her time, when she has the option to leave and live a life without worrying about him. 

 

even couldn’t bear to look at sonja much longer so he turns himself around and sinks in further into his bed. he closes his eyes for a moment ignoring everything and pretending that he is alone before fluttering them back open. he thinks it is better for everyone if he is just…don’t exist. him being bipolar has been nothing but a nuisance for everyone and it is fucked up that no matter how good he is doing, how much he _tries_ ( _and god, he really do try_ ) — he is just walking towards another manic episode.he has a million things on his mind — what he did to isak, how to explain things to him and then to sonja and recalling the past month figuring out how he let himself slip this bad. the fear of losing control of himself is eating him inside. he has been doing so well for the past six months, keeping to his routine and taking his medicine but this just proves to him more how he could not escape it. he just want things to stop, so he closes his eyes and hopes sleep would come to him faster.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

for a week even barely moved from his bed. sonja manages to convince him to eat at least _something_ each day and drink water to stay hydrated. the first few days would always be rough for both of them. the combination of even being in a bad headspace and sonja’s constant worry often cause suffocation between the two. even would say something sour which would make sonja snap in anger. sonja’s worry tend to make her over-protective which annoy even on certain days when he wishes to be left alone. their fights are never loud. instead of yells and screams, it is replaced with tense silence between the two of them that could stretch for days.

 

things work out in the end though, slowly. sonja would apologise for being so suffocating and over-protective, justifying that it is out of love and care for even. even listens and accepts sonja with open arms. he is not an innocent victim between the two of them either. he knows how difficult it must be for sonja to take care of him — when she has the option not to — and he appreciates sonja for it.

 

he thinks about isak — a shy boy with golden hair and a smile that makes his heart flutter. he thought those things only happen in movies but he felt it. when romeo saw juliet’s eyes through the aquarium and knew. he thought this must be it. the exact same feeling. like finally everything in his life makes sense. every single piece in his life — the wrong call, the texting and finally the party — moves him forward to that one exact moment. and yet he couldn’t trust it. how easily it was for him to fall for isak. _too easy, too fast_ that he didn’t even realised it until it was too late and it scares him. his life has always been a constant and he tries to live in a routine to maintain stability. isak is a variable that has waltzed into his life and he isn’t sure if he is capable to handle any possibilities with isak. he thinks it’s better to ignore those feelings and be better for sonja.

 

sonja is a constant in his life. sonja _is_ his stability. time and time again sonja proves to him that she is his safety blanket. that no matter how difficult of a situation he may cause, she would always be beside him. he tells himself — persuades himself — that he is lucky to have someone as accepting and supportive as sonja in his life. slowly he becomes better, they become better. sonja smiles to him and even could feel their axis slowly turning back to normal, to his routine, so he kisses her.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

isak waits for even’s reply patiently for a week. he understands that this is now even’s move to make and the only thing he could do is wait for the other. after the second week, isak gradually loses hope thinking that he has been right the whole time before — that he has been reading even all wrong and that might cost his and even’s friendship. half of him have expected it to be so, but he still couldn’t help feeling heartbroken. he berates himself for being so caught up with his own feelings, so selfish, to a point that he has hurt even when the older boy has been giving him nothing but happiness. he thinks again to when even stood out in the cold physically waiting for him because isak ignored him. he was just terrified. terrified of what could or would happen between them (and isak calls himself pathetic for even thinking that there _would_ be something). terrified of how this could affect him and his mother’s relationship. his parents has always been a sore subject for him, a topic he prefers to keep to himself. even doesn’t know about his fucked up relationship with his mother. he doesn’t know about how isak still holds this foolish desire of gaining his mother’s unnecessary approval. that he has this deep rooted fear of being abandoned by his friends, the only constant in his life. he is absolutely terrified of being left alone despite having been so a good chunk of his life. he second guesses himself, always worried whether he comes off as too clingy, too annoying or too difficult — preferring to keep problems to himself.

 

he asks about even, with jonas being the middleman. “elias said even hasn’t been attending classes for a week. he just got back two days ago.” the boys are all in the cafeteria during lunch, at their usual table right by the large window. sana is sitting with them for lunch today for some reason but she keeps to herself, not joining the boys’ conversation at all. 

 

isak breathes out a sigh of relief. “so he’s fine now?”

 

“guess so. elias wasn’t exactly being detailed. but i guess the story got out about his mania and some people are being weird around him.” the blond has been worried about that. nissen is a small school, rumours travel fast. with how close nissen students are with bakka, it’s normal for gossip to travel to the other school. things get out of hand very quickly and isak experienced that first hand — with him coming out. he feels bad for even and started to worry.

 

“has he said anything to you?” mahdi asks. isak tries not to show his disappointment and shakes his head. 

 

“it’s okay. guess i deserved it.” isak slumps deeper into his seat, suddenly taking interest in the straw in his juice. he twirls the straw with his fingers. “i ignored him, i was being a bad friend.” he couldn’t be selfish and expects even to still wants to have anything to do with him after how he treats the other boy. jonas extends a hand and places it on the blond’s shoulder apologetically.

 

magnus slides his slice of pizza to isak and the blond smiles. he does a quick glance to magnus and mumbles a thanks. “just tell him the truth is,” urge magnus. “we know you. and we know how difficult that is but bro, that’s the only way things could work out.”

 

mahdi agrees. “tell him for real. you like him. end of story.”

 

isak laughs weakly. “it’s not that easy mahd. his girlfriend—”

 

jonas interferes. “it _is_ though, isak. just tell him that you like him. fuck whatever happens after. as long as you told him straight up, everything’s chill. you did your part let him figure out the rest. he likes you, great. he doesn’t, then fuck it move on.”

 

“i’ll buy a six pack and we can drink at magnus’ place,” says mahdi with a cheeky smile. isak scoffs but he is starting to think that it is not a bad idea.

 

“you just want an excuse to drink,” isak jokes back and the boys sneers back playfully.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

by the third week isak has lose all hope to get a reply from even, so it was a surprise when noora yells for isak one saturday morning and sees even standing in his front door. it was already late in the morning but weekends are isak’s sleeping in days so his mind is still groggy from just being awake. it took isak longer than it should to process even standing there. 

 

“hey.” isak feels silly standing in front of the other in his white shirt and shorts. even is handsomely dressed, a white tee under a black leather jacket and skinny jeans clad around his long legs. 

 

isak has to clear his throat before he could reply. “h-hi,” he croaks out, voice still raspy from sleep. even has a small smile tugging at the edge of his lips and the boy has to purse his lips to stop himself from smiling too wide. that knowing smile that isak sees before, like there is an inside joke that isak doesn’t know of. “it’s…” the taller blond looks at his wrist pretending he is looking at the time, “noon isak. and you’re still sleeping?” _fuck, he must think i’m so lazy,_ isak thinks. _it’s true, but even doesn’t need to know that._

 

the shorter huffs and crosses his arm, acting like he is not surprised at even’s visit and isn’t caught off guard at all. “do you have a problem with that?” he answers indignantly. “are you here to check up on me?”

 

“actually…yes.” before isak could react even pulls out his phone. he squints at the screen, looks at isak and then glances back at his phone screen, “says here…isak valtersen told me he wants to talk,” the taller glances back up from his phone to the boy in front of him, “smiley.”

 

“so…” even swiftly puts his phone back to his back pocket in one smooth motion, isak wonders how could someone does something so mundane and manages to make it look absolutely attractive, “are you going to continue your sleep or will you care to join me?”

 

 

the shorter blond invites even in while he showers and gets ready. eskild and noora has been standing by the living room trying to eavesdrop their conversation. the two boys see them standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, eskild pretending to take a call while noora is pretending to be checking her nails. “uh, you can stay here” isak guides even to a sofa, the furthest away from noora and eskild, “i’ll be ready in ten minutes.” isak prays eskild wouldn’t ask anything overly embarrassing to even — although knowing eskild well this is redundant to wish for.

 

eskild and noora are still in the living room, talking animatedly with even when isak is done getting ready.

 

“…few films with friends just for fun but nothing serious,” even says sheepishly.

 

“that’s so interesting though,” noora replies. “i bet they’re all good.” she has her head rested on her elbow with a dreamy look in her eyes. isak internally hopes he doesn’t look _that_ obvious around even.

 

it is even who notices isak first. he looks at isak and raises his eyebrows. “hey,” the older greets, his mood obviously cheerful from the tone. even stands up and walks to isak, who isn’t sure what to say or do. he looks down to the other with his hands deep inside his pocket, fighting every urge to not touch or hold the blond. “ready to go?”

 

isak nods. even turns to eskild and noora, saying his goodbye. “nice meeting you guys.”

 

“you’re welcome anytime dear, anytime!” isak looks at eskild strangely, the older sounds like he is almost _singing_ his reply. even’s laugh is vibrant and his eyes are forming crescents. standing by his side and looking up to even, isak couldn’t help but smile too.

 

 

 

*

 

 

“your friends are nice,” even says when they both are outside the apartment. “noora is absolutely sweet…and eskild is fucking funny.”

 

“eskild? really?” isak narrows his eyes to even. the two of them starts walking to the bus stop. isak is familiar of the cafe even suggests they go to. it is two stops away. 

 

even looks back at isak, surprised that isak is doubting what he says. “yeah! and he really cares about you. i could tell,” even adds. isak hums and nods. he never says it out loud, but he knows and he is thankful for eskild to take him in and take care of him when he didn’t even ask for eskild to do so.

 

“what did you guys talk about?”

 

even hums. “just random things. about my studies in bakka, my friends,” there is a beat of silence, “…you.”

 

“me?” isak shrieks. “ _please_ don’t tell me eskild said something embarrassing.” he probably did but isak hopes, _hopes_ that he didn’t. the thing is isak knows eskild’s intention has never been to embarrass isak, he simply thinks isak is being cute and would like to share the anecdotes. even glances to isak and flashes a cheeky grin. isak already knows the answer. “fuck…”

 

“it’s about that time i dressed up as ernie on halloween isn’t it?” isak cringed and scrunched his nose.

 

eskild _loves_ to tell that story. second year isak (fresh out of the closet) had gone to a stupid costume party with eskild as bert and him as ernie. it was fucking embarrassing to say the least and people took _pictures_. and _videos_. eskild has his own version of the story (that they both planned to do so from the start, it just took isak a lot of convincing for him to finally do it) while isak swears he did it because he lost a bet with eskild. the night didn’t stop there. to calm his nerves isak started drinking — a lot. he drank too much too fast that he didn’t even realise he got too drunk until it was too late. jonas told him the next morning he did an excellent rendition of pussycat doll’s stickwitu with eskild. he didn’t remember any of it — but everyone was kind enough to record their performance _and_ post it on facebook.

 

even rings with laughter. “yeah. i’d _love_ to see that video,” he says, half-joking.

 

“please don’t.” isak answers, almost begging. “i’m trying to run away from that past.” at that even laughs harder, the one that makes his eyes curve upwards and teeth all shown.

 

being around isak make even’s heart aches. it’s a bittersweet feeling. even feels like he is freefalling among the clouds, utterly loving the pure exhilaration. yet the thought of crashing down, without knowing if there is someone there to catch him or not leaves an awful emotion inside him.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

they arrive at the cafe in fifteen minutes. the place is relatively empty except for the three customers lining up at the counter and four people chatting away at a table. the place still sounds busy though, with customers chattering and baristas making coffee. even walks towards a table at the corner of the shop and isak follows the other’s lead. even asks for isak’s order and went to the counter.

 

even comes back with their order twenty minutes later, placing isak’s hot tea in front of him before taking a seat. the two sips their warm drinks in comfortable silence for awhile.

 

the blond takes careful glances to even, who seems oblivious to it all. “look— even,” isak begins to say. he has his eyes cast downwards to his fingers on his lap, “i’m sorry for being such an asshole to you.” even is quiet. isak doesn’t dare to look at his face right now, panic and dread bubbling inside of him and he could already imagine even’s look of utter disappointment. “i’m really sorry for ignoring you.”

 

the younger slowly turns his head to even and looks up. he couldn’t read even’s face but the boy is far from being angry. “you did?” was even’s only reply. he had a feeling that isak was distancing away from him and it ate him up for weeks.

 

he knew why though, it wasn’t that difficult to figure out. the blond started to act different after he hinted that he _kind of, sort of,_ _slowly_ developing a stupid crush on isak. he initially didn’t even realise that it was a crush until it was too late and when he did realise it — that this whole time he basically had been flirting with someone else, someone who is _not_ sonja — it didn’t sit well with even too. and yet even couldn’t help it, his feelings towards isak was already so deeply engraved inside of him. he finds it ridiculously scary how easy isak got into his skin the first night they met. when he realised that isak started to distance himself from him, it fed doubts to even’s mind.

 

_sonja is your stability_ , he reminds himself repeatedly. 

 

isak grunts in annoyance. “even, i’m being serious!” he whines.

 

the older lets out a low chuckle, totally finding amusement in isak trying to apologise. isak just makes it _so easy_ for him to tease and it’s _so fun_ to see isak blush. he couldn’t help it. “okay, okay. sorry. i _am_ taking this seriously.” he turns his body towards isak and crosses his arm. “continue.”

 

“okay. so like i said,” isak slowly anxious with even’s eyes fixed on him. he pauses for a moment to find the best way to say he is sorry before continuing. “i’m really sorry i ignored you without any explanations and it must’ve been confusing for you.” even notices that isak looks almost — sad and _jesus_ does his heart swells, feeling sorry for isak for some reason. he couldn’t help it. “you don’t deserve being treated that way when you have been nothing but a good friend to me.”

 

there is a beat of silence before even says, “i forgive you isak.” despite the obvious sincere tone in the older’s voice isak can’t seem to accept it. 

 

“you _barely_ gave it a thought!” he shrieks.

 

even laughs. “okay, fine.” he hums in thought before saying the same thing. “i still forgive you.”

 

isak rolls his eyes. he thought of multiple possibilities on how this would turn out and he did not expect _this_. “even—”

 

“i am serious!” even retorts back with no bite. “i could tell you’re sorry isak,” he adds earnestly. “and i’m sorry too.” isak looks up confused at to why even is apologising to him. “the whole thing about…about me. going to your house. i must’ve scared you.”

 

the other shakes his head dismissively. “no, no! i wasn’t scared—” even doesn’t believe him. sonja who has seen everything still gets anxiety attacks and lose sleep over him. he largely doubts isak took it easy. “i mean, i was scared. but not of you.” isak corrects himself. even’s heart melts hearing isak’s sincerity and he wonders _how the fuck could he get over this boy_.

 

whenever he has a manic episode he could only recall some parts from his memory. he remembers needing to see isak and remember thinking about isak, which then lead him to asking elias for an address. his memory fogs in between and the only vivid memory he has after that are being inside isak’s room. he remembers depressive thoughts hitting him like a cold shower. he must have fallen asleep some time after because then he saw sonja picking him up and taking him to mikael’s car. 

 

“even. you don’t have to apologise for that.” isak says earnestly. “i’m glad you’re better now.”

 

“thanks.” even smiles while taking a sip of his coffee. “sonja helped a lot. i don’t know how i am so lucky to have her.”

 

isak could feel his heart aching a little bit hearing that but he still returns even’s smile.

 

“that’s what i want to talk about too, if you’re okay with it.” even adds and isak continues to listen. the older pauses for a moment to take a breath. “that text i sent you…i want to say sorry. i was being out of line.” it is vague but it doesn’t take long for isak to know _which_ text the older meant. “i don’t know why i sent you that. i guess i was just in a bad place with sonja and i…”

 

isak cuts him off, waving his hands dismissively. he doesn’t want to hear how the text was a mistake. that _he_ was a mistake. “you don’t have to explain,” he tries to answer calmly but he could already feel his throat clenching up and his eyes prickly. “i get it.” isak tries to laugh to lighten up the mood.

 

“me and sonja, we… we’ve been together for awhile. the shit she kept up with, me being bipolar and all, she’s… she’s important to me.” even says to isak, but it is more like a reminder and reassurance to himself more than anything.

 

isak could feel tears at the edge of his eyes threatening to fall so he pretends to look down at his phone. “sorry even. i think—” he gulps, “i think eskild needs me for something. i gotta go.” before even could say anything, he stands up from his chair and leaves the shop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still feeling a little rusty, so i'm not 100% happy with this chapter but i think this is really the best i could put out for now lol it's a pretty long chapter. haven't proofread anything so mistakes are all mine. 
> 
> thanks for the comments and kudos everyone, as always <3 i appreciate it v much!  
> have a nice day/night :-)!!


	10. Chapter 10

isak hears a knock on his door. a few moments after he could hear noora’s soft muffled voice through the door. “isak…?” she sounds unsure. “are you…are you awake?” the blond boy lets out an annoyed grunt. a beat of silence before noora speaks again. “eskild bought takeaway for lunch. you want some?”

 

“i’ll get it later if i’m hungry. don’t feel like eating.” isak yells back a reply. he thought noora already left when there is silence but instead he hears eskild’s voice after.

 

“are you just going to be inside your room all day?” contrasting noora’s caring, almost mother-like tone, eskild is verging on being mad. “you didn’t eat breakfast and now you’re skipping lunch?”

 

he hears noora and eskild arguing softly at the other side of the door. noora is reprimanding eskild for being too forceful with his words. eskild disagrees, that his anger is valid because isak acting like a difficult child again.

 

“why don’t you come out for awhile isak? eskild is worried.” he hears noora speaks and followed by eskild letting out a huff.

 

hearing the two arguing over him, isak feels guilty. he sighs defeatedly, “fine. just wait a second.” he gets out of his bed to grab a dark grey hoodie from his closet and opens the door.

 

eskild lets out a long exasperated sigh. “thank jesus! you’re alive. what are you doing cooped up in your room?” he hits isak’s arm in annoyance to prove his point further . “even linn is worried. _linn_.”

 

isak rolls his eyes. “you guys are so overdramatic,” he says with no heat behind his words. often times the two get a little too protective over him. the attention still gets isak uncomfortable (borderline annoyed) which can get overbearing at times but he knows they have good intentions.

 

“well, you came home crying yesterday and you’ve stayed in your room since. how are we supposed to _not_ get worried?” noora answers back. rather than being angry or irritated, she sounds concerned and holds a desire to help.

 

“want to talk about it?” questions eskild.

 

“can…can we eat first?” isak replies back timidly. noora is slightly surprised at the younger’s answer but she doesn’t say anything about it. the two of them simply agree and walk back to the kitchen.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

“so like…yeah…when he went here i thought something— _good_ would happen y’know? i guess i held my hopes up…” isak concedes. the two of them nods in silence. knowing how difficult and _rare_ it is for isak to do this, both listens to isak thoughtfully. they have no intention to interrupt isak with advice right now, hoping that the blond would talk more about it. “and um…and then i apologised about ignoring him. i realised that nothing would happen if i keep on being like this and he accepted my apology,” at that isak smiles. “he mentioned about this _text_ he sent,” purposely leaving out details of said text. “i thought— this is it. fuck— i thought he would confess his feelings and i would confess my feelings and things would turn better, _finally better_ , but no. he said that he is sorry for sending that to me. basically said it was a mistake.” 

 

the two didn’t force isak to disclose what the text said. “i guess i was a mistake.” isak adds with a small voice.

 

“hey,” eskild softly chides, “don’t say that.”

 

“but it’s true!” the younger boy grumbles. “this whole thing started from a fucking mistake anyway.”

 

the three of them went silent. noora feels utterly sorry and heartbroken hearing isak’s story. having been out of a relationship recently too, she really felt for isak. the girl extends her arm and wraps it around isak’s figure. the boy froze for a moment but physically relaxes the next second.

 

“i’m so sorry isak.”

 

isak tries to muster up a smile to show that he is okay. “i do think sonja is best for even though. she knows how to take care of him and it’s really stupid of me to think he’d leave sonja for me.” isak laughs to lighten up everyone’s mood but it only came out as pathetic.

 

“don’t say that isak,” eskild intervenes. he hates it when isak starts to demean himself. “i know deep inside this grumpy boy is someone with a big heart. and you deserve someone to be with too, like everyone else.”

 

the blond rolls his eyes hearing eskild’s cheesy words but secretly, he finds comfort in hearing them. “okay eskild, i get it.”

 

noora claps her hand, suddenly having an idea. “let’s have a little movie marathon tonight shall we? just us four — me, you, eskild and i’ll drag linn outside her room too — we buy pizzas, some beer, we can watch your mindless transformer movies.” she looks at isak waiting for an answer.

 

eskild is immediately in with the idea, his eyes going round with excitement. “yes!! we should, we should! it’s been so long since we all hang out. i miss our movie marathon days!”

 

“eskild, you literally made all of us watch sex in the city with us like, three weeks ago.” isak grumbles, but agrees anyway.

 

he needs the distraction and his room mates never fails to cheer him up, so really he has nothing to lose.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

“brooooo” isak could _hear_ magnus running towards him before he could even see the guy. magnus is sitting by the bench outside nissen, with jonas next to him. he waves his hand back, greeting the boys.

 

“so? how’s things with um…even?” magnus didn’t even wait for isak to sit down before he could ask him the question. jonas slaps the back of his hand to magnus’ arm, reprimanding the guy for asking.

 

jonas looks at isak as if to say sorry on behalf of magnus. “you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to isak.” magnus mumbles a ‘ _what the fuck? what’s wrong with asking?_ ’ and jonas hits him again, harder.

 

the blond waves his hand dismissively. “nah it’s okay. about even, he…uh…” isak finds it difficult to say the words but he pushes through, “he chose sonja.”

 

“fuck… really?” jonas says in disbelief. both jonas and magnus are silent for a moment. “i was so sure he likes you though…”

 

isak shrugs, digging his hands deep into his pockets. “maybe he did. but he said sonja has been with him, and he couldn’t just leave her so…he chose sonja.”

 

“hey dudes.” mahdi’s greeting cuts off the conversation. the boy high fives all of them before standing next to isak. “so, what did i miss?”

 

“even rejected um…isak,” jonas points his chin towards isak. “loyalty to sonja and shit.”

 

mahdi winces, patting isak’s back to show that he is sorry. “that’s shit dude, really. the pregame offer still stands by the way, if you want.”

 

isak shakes his head. “i’ll pass on the ‘drinking while wallowing in my feelings’ part. but we can still chill though.” he still feels a twinge of hurt when he thinks about that day in the cafe but isak is honestly tired of crying and wallowing in sadness after doing so a whole day yesterday. deep inside he desperately wants to get over even too, knowing how easily even toss him aside.

 

mahdi turns to magnus, “mags, your house okay for this week?” magnus clicks his tongue and flash a thumbs up. they all agree to meet this weekend. “nice! so pregame at mags? heard there is a house party at ingrid’s. her parents are out for vacation. her house has a bar, shit’s going to be fucking lit.” everyone hums in agreement.

 

“wait so like— i don’t get it,” magnus steers the conversation to a different topic. “is even straight?”

 

jonas glances to mahdi and isak, making sure if magnus is serious with his question. “he’s probably bi,” the curly haired boy answers.

 

mahdi interjects. “hey, we shouldn’t just assume his sexuality— maybe he’s pan?”

 

“what the fuck is pan?” magnus asks.

 

“you know like— pansexuals— liking someone regardless of gender.” jonas replies.

 

“ah.” magnus is silent for a moment before he adds, “shit. do you guys think i’m pan?”

 

isak looks at him incredulously, his eyes narrow. “mags. how are we supposed to know?”

 

“um…remember that bdsm wet dream i told you guys before?” magnus asks, suddenly sounding slightly hesitant and timid — which is very rare there for magnus.

 

isak wished he could forget the details. magnus really needs to learn how to filter himself sometimes. “yeah. with erika.”

 

“i lied. it wasn’t erika. it was um…jakob.”

 

the other three tries to remember any jakob that they know. “jakob? like—” mahdi snaps his finger, remembering one jakob he knew a few weeks ago. the junior was going around the crowds outside nissen passing out flyers for their performance arts group.

 

“yeah. _that_ junior, jakob.” magnus admits before mahdi could elaborate any further.

 

“what the hell dude.” jonas looks at magnus like he is out of his mind. “he looks so nice and sweet how could you—”

 

magnus cuts him off. “i don’t fucking know,” he replies defensively, “i can’t control my dreams. my mind made these things up—”

 

“haven’t you heard of freud?” isak joins in, teasing magnus. “like, desires you want in real life slips into your dreams.” both jonas and mahdi laughs when magnus looks at isak all perplexed.

 

“fuck off isak.”

 

“jeez, mags. how old is he? 15? 16?” jonas teases even further, earning a snicker from mahdi and isak. 

 

in the middle of their conversation, isak feels his phone vibrate in his back pocket. he grabs his phone and looks at the text on his screen. 

 

even.

 

isak knows he shouldn’t still feel his heart fluttering seeing even’s name on his screen but he couldn’t help it. his attraction towards even is stronger than he realised and it’s definitely going to be difficult with even still being friends with him.

 

 

_Morning Isak!_

 

the message is followed by a picture of a cup of coffee. isak doesn’t want to repeat the same mistake twice, of not replying to even’s texts, so he responds back. 

 

 

_why r u so cheerful_

_it’s monday morning_

 

 

_Hahaha_

_Still the grumpy baby <3_

_Which is why I sent you the text!_

_Good morning Isak :-)_

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

isak really tried to have fun, he really did was easier at first when it was just jonas, magnus, mahdi and him in magnus’ house talking about everything and anything. he thinks the boys knew that isak prefers not to talk about even at all, to forget about the older boy on his own, so the conversation are around school gossip and magnus’ weird bdsm dream with jakob. 

 

“can we _please_ drop it? fuck, i regret telling you guys that.” magnus says before he takes a swig of beer.

 

isak giggles, already slightly buzzed from the alcohol. “hey, i’m just glad the teasing isn’t directed to me for once.” he high-fives mahdi and jonas.

 

it was easy, when it was just them inside this small bubble having fun and bantering. now however, is different. it is not as easy when even is in the same house party he is in. sonja clinging around his arm, acting sweet and loving to each other. even definitely hasn’t realised that isak is a few feet away from him, with a crowd of tipsy teenagers dancing between them. isak is lost within the crowd, it would’ve been difficult for even to see him. meanwhile for isak, it is easy. even is standing on the flight of stairs, talking to another couple who he doesn’t recognise. the older boy is wearing a dark green jacket over his black tee and his long legs clad in ripped black skinny jeans. sonja whispers something to even, who leans in closer just to hear her. then they both giggled, clinging closer to each other.

 

isak couldn’t help but feel jealous, envious of sonja who is getting even’s undivided attention. probably not realising the extent of what even would do for her. he takes big gulps from his beer can before setting it down on a small table. in his intoxicated, buzzed mind he thinks that he should greet even. there is nothing wrong with saying hello, right? they are friends and friends say hi to each other. they are friends and he is being _friendly_. yes, he is doing the right thing. he waits until the couple who was talking to even and sonja to walk away before approaching them.

 

“hi even!” isak says a little too loud, too close. even looks surprised, but happy to see him. sonja on the other hand, doesn’t share the same excitement as her boyfriend.

 

“isak! hey,” even greets back. “how long have you been here?”

 

“uh…” isak looks up while pursing his lips, trying to remember how long it has been. “an hour? um, two? fuck— i can’t even tell,” isak replies and giggles. even chuckles along. 

 

“well, haven’t you been drinking.”

 

isak nods. “mhm. you want one? i can get one for y—”

 

“even can’t drink,” sonja’s words cut off between the conversation sharply.

 

“ah— right.” isak says. even could see isak’s expression falters slightly, looking guilty. “sorry, i…i should’ve known.”

 

it seems like sonja is about to say something but even puts his hand on her back, stopping her from doing so. even turns to isak, his heart hurting seeing the other boy looking upset. “isak, it’s okay. it’s not your fault. i didn’t expect you to know.” isak doesn’t say anything, which worries him even more. 

 

“see? not allergic to alcohol.” even adds. isak looks at even, confused as to what the boy meant. it took him a few moment to understand.

 

isak laughs softly, so soft that even could barely hear it if it isn’t for the shy smile tugging on his lips. “right. not alcohol allergy.”

 

“it’ll be more cool though, wouldn’t it?” the older boy jokes.

 

isak scrunches his nose, which even found cute. “i doubt anyone would find alcohol allergy cool, ev.” the older boy grins at the nickname, so wide that he had to bite his lips to stop himself from smiling too much.

 

someone downstairs is calling sonja’s name and at first sonja is hesitant to leave even’s side. it took plenty of convincing from even for sonja to leave his side. isak watches through hooded eyes sonja reaching up to kiss even on his lips. he feels the familiar twinge of envy and pushes the feeling down deeper. _he couldn’t_ , he tells himself.

 

the two of them barely speak after sonja left. isak could feel even’s watchful eyes on him but he is afraid to look back, he isn’t sure if he could trust himself to do so.

 

“are you here with the other boys?” even asks and that is when isak looks back at him. one shared look and isak is back to square one. he is _so gone_ for this boy and he is terrified. _it shouldn’t be this difficult_ , isak internally says. ignoring feelings isn’t exactly something new to isak, but why is it difficult when it comes to even.

 

isak nods, not trusting his voice for a moment. he clears his throat before adding, “they’re somewhere at the back hitting up girls.” isak makes a show of rolling his eyes in disgust which made even chuckle. isak laughs too, hearing even’s own laughter.

 

“you’re so cute isak,” even says, very casual and his voice so spontaneous that isak almost though he was imagining it.

 

“don’t say that,” isak replies back, his small voice almost desperate and pleading. the place is loud with music and buzzing with conversation but even could pick up isak’s soft voice.

 

even tilts his head to the side. “why not isak? it’s true.”

 

“just because it’s true doesn’t mean you should say it.” isak retorts back, but his voice isn’t loud or filled with anger at all. instead, it is soft and pleading. isak isn’t sure what he is feeling, a jumbled mess of sadness, anger and frustration and it is bubbling up in his chest. “it’s unfair, you know.” isak’s vision is now shaky and his hands are trembling. “you could just kick me aside and i have to deal with this _shit_ ,” isak points to his chest and his eyes are now misty. there is so much more that isak wants to say but his throat feels tight and he couldn’t trust his own voice to properly function anymore.

 

“isak, please don’t cry. not in front of me.” even says, matching the same pleading tone as isak’s.

 

a small tear falls across isak’s cheek and he immediately rubs it away with the sleeve of his grey hoodie. the last thing he wants is to have even see him being so _weak_. “why not?”

“because i don’t think i’m strong enough, baby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! i'm quickly posting this chapter, will check it again when i have the time :-) a bit of a slow going, my aim for this chapter is to kind of make isak open up more about his thoughts/emotions and push the isak/even plot closer to where i want it to be lmao (i.e being together)
> 
> thank you so much as always for the nice comments and kudos as usual. you guys are honestly my motivation to keep on writing. have a nice day/night!


End file.
